Second Thoughts

My husband and I have been together for six years and married for three.

We are currently going through a separation and it is possible that this will lead to divorce. There are days when I feel SO strong and know I'm going to get through it, but others where I totally second guess if this is the best decision.

I was the one who asked for a separation. My husband has been blowing through money that I want to use to put a down payment on a house and start a family. He says it isn't a priority of his.

I'm not as attracted to him as I used to be.

I feel like there is enough reason for us to separate and possibly divorce but I am SO scared.

All of my friends and family care about him and have asked me to reconsider. I feel totally alone in this decision and I feel like if I leave him, I'll end up alone.

I hate that I feel like I should go but feel so ill equipped to do this on my own.

dreem27 dreem27
4 Responses Apr 20, 2009

in my case i'm the husband that decieved to walk away. my wife was jelous and she didn't got alone with my family . My family its the only thing i care about in this world and i hate that they don't get alone. She is 6 years older than me, i'm 26. i thought that i didn't love her and that i should get out of our short marrige. But now that i'm filling the divorce paper work i remember the good times and i miss her. as time goes by i miss her more and more. i am thinking that maybe if we attened therapy she could adjust to my family. but i dont know. im going out with a real cool girl but when i'm with her i still miss my wife. what should i do??

i'm impressed by you ladies. my boyfriend of 7 years packed his stuff and moved out on me 3 weeks ago. parts of me feel like i've doubted our love here and there. he's 30, i'm 28. although we spent many years loving eachother, after moving in together 3 years ago, i've felt more like mommy then girlfriend. i don't know if they were all my mistakes, because he's not very responsible. none the less, my point here is that i was not brave enough to look inside what makes me happy and stand up for myself. instead, i was willing to settle. it's not that i don't love him, i just think we might not be for eachother. but he left ME, and there was no warning. so i have the broken heart.<br />
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i feel like i need to do a better job of not being scared to be alone. i'm so young, i have my whole life in front of me. it scares me to see these stories of kids involved, etc. i need to be happy this is happening now, and not later.<br />
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everything happens for a reason. everything.

I just came across this website and your posting. I too am currently going through a separation which is my decision, based on my husbands actions. Being labelled as the one who is deserting the marriage when his actions were what pushed me to this decision. Married for 7 years this year, my husband's issue has constantly been seeking inappropriate attention from other woman. Apparently never physical, apparently no reflection on me, apparently always the last time. I feel broken, i feel as if i do love him less. I look at him differently and i feel differently about him, but he is still the man i vowed to spend the rest of my life with....i am just so confused.<br />
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He is crying, promising me the world and more, saying he wants this marriage and it can work and i am left feeling numb. Everyone in his family is making me feel like i am just going through a phase and overreacting and i will come to my senses, get over it soon and everything will go back to 'normal'.<br />
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Yes, there are days when you think am i giving up the good for something that maybe i can just try and ignore, it's easier and i won't be alone. But all i can say is deep down i know that i will hate myself if i do that and find myself in the same position again in weeks, months, years. Only you know what you want to do, but don't let anyone make you second guess that. The other people don't live with your husband and they aren't married to him. You are, and if your future isn't going in the same direction as his then either you except that and carry on or you take your future into your own hands.<br />
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PS This is some advice coming from one of my strong moments. Email me this afternoon or even tomorrow and i have no idea which one of my emotional personalities will be present. All i can say is, you aren't alone and your emotions and feelings are the same as mine, so therefore i hope normal x

What are your alternatives? Live a life you don't want, possibly giving up your dreams of a loving husband, children and a warm home to raise them in. Or you can move on and meet someone who wants and needs the same things in life that you do.<br />
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I too am going through a separation. It's been 7 months. I left my husband of 11 years married 13 together, because our relationship was cold, loveless and sexless. I gave up many of my dreams to be with him and I have nothing to show for it. I am now 44 and past the point of being able to have children. <br />
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Do what you feel is right. If he really loved you, he would come around. I told my husband to get well and that I would give him some time. After 7 months we are no where and he hasn't changed a bit.<br />
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I hope my story helps you to feel better about your decision. I wish you well.