My husband and I have now been officially separated for 6 months but the can of worms was opened last Nov. The goal is to make a final decision about our future together in Nov this year.
We are in the 9th year of marriage following a 7 year courtship, both 35 years old. Although mostly happy there have been a few experiences in our time together that we would prefer to forget. We have a gorgeous 3 year old daughter that we both adore and a life that neither of us want to leave behind.
My husband has a very demanding and time consuming job, which takes him away from home a huge amount. He loves his job and will do anything to keep afloat and prove his worth. He is a senior exec within his company at a young age, compared with his peers.
The decision to separate was his. He had a big wobble and decided he didn't want to be with me anymore due to factors from our past, which in my view were unavoidable but granted could have been handled better. The year leading up to the split wasn't a bed of roses but I can still see a happy future for us together. I am trying to be positive for the both of us and refuse to give up on us and our family. He says he does miss me, does love me otherwise he would have left by now and doesn't want to lose the life we've built together BUT isn't ready to come home, is enjoying the time out, the no pressure and the calm and isn't sure whether he will want to reconcile in Nov or divorce. He only wants councilling IF he chooses to reconcile in Nov and is constantly kept totally busy with his job, which I have to be flexible with for my daughters sake.
I on the other hand have been through tortureous mind games where some days it seems plainly obvious what his decision will be and is it worth me waiting around until Nov to be dumped to feeling very positive and that a 'break' is all he needs. I can't move forward, I can't work on it through councilling as both rely on a decision from him. I feel guilty constantly that my daughter is an only child due to the situation and worried that she can see through my moods. Worried that even if we want to be together in Nov- we are growing apart now during the separation....he believes that if it wasn't for the separation then we would be divorced.
Basically feeling very low at the moment, tearful, sad, angry, bitter, insecure, rejected - which I haven't done for a few months but did in the beginning. I am also tired of putting on 'the brave face' and just want to blurt out the fact that yes, we are separated and not hide behind the mask that he is travelling (more than he actually is)
Oh well, thanks for listening and sorry my message is 'all over the place'! xx