Husband Just Told Me He Wants To Separate

We have been together for 13 years and only married for 6 months.  We have never had a perfect relationship and every now and then would have the 'talk' about where it was going and how one of us thought it wasnt working.  We always either moved forward or split up then got back together.

My husband has never been one to talk about his problems and neither have I.  We both have just bottled up our feelings and pretended that everthing is fine.  He obviously has come to a head and feels a split is the only solution.

I just feel numb.  Whenever I think of never seeing him again I just feel sick.  Im going to move to my parents for a while and see how things go. 

I cant even begin to think  what to do next to sort this out.  Part of me hopes he will change his mind and we can move on and make a real effort but I think his mind is made up.

dak79 dak79
2 Responses Mar 8, 2010

We still have not really talked as he still says he is unsure and needs time to think. Im prepared to give him as long as he needs. He has now moved out and I am living alone in the house. Its hard being alone again but Im getting there. On weekends, Im trying to keep busy as much as possible. Im not sure if this is a good thing though as I feel that I cant run away from my feelings forever. <br />
He still has not spoken about this to anyone but Im hopeful he is meeting with a good friend this weekend to discuss. Ive arranged through my doctor to see a therapist for my own benefit and I hope that whetever happens it will help me come to terms with things. In answer to your question, I am rarely completely honest about my feelings. I usually end up feeling afraid and say something untrue just to close the subject.<br />
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Limiting the time I think about this will be hard but I will try. Its always there at the back of my mind but Im feeling better than I was when this first happened 3 weeks ago. 3 weeks?!!!!! It seems like it was months ago. I suppose its still early days.<br />
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I hope everything works out for you and I thank you for the advice.<br />

Communication is a huge part of making or breaking a marriage - what you can do now, is your part in figuring out where failure has occured in your relationship and if and how you can make changes to better yourself for the sake of your marriage...if hubby agrees, ask him to help you understand what isn't/hasn't been working for him in your relationship and explore and share the same with him from your perspective. Maybe this happens in marriage counseling sessions where the safety of an ob<x>jective party exists to help sort things out. Consider going to counseling for yourself and explore why it is that you bottle up your feelings. Are you being honest with yourself even when you do open up in the once in a while talks? Maybe for your husband, it took the act of marriage to prompt him to realize some things need to change...everyone has a breaking point. Do your best to see the positive in it...its difficult, I know this from experience. I suggest you let him have his space - as hard as this may be for you - allow him to do his own thinking (i.e. "I think his mind is made up"), and work on himself. Have the two of you talked about how this separation will proceed? Such as amount of time apart, who moves out, when and how you will spend time together, if you will seek counselling, your goals and what each of you will commit to work on, etc. That's a start...having a plan will lessen the feeling of hopelessness and help give a sense of direction and resolve in sight. These are some suggestions and meant to be helpful - I'm going through a separation myself at this time, and answers I don't have - it is grueling, lonely, heartbreaking, and at times feels absolutely hopeless. But then I realize that this is an emotionally tolling time - accept it, embrace it, and work through it as best as you can. Do what you can to get yourself on track, and don't lose yourself! Remember, he is going through something very similar - focus on you and make the most of the times you are together during this separation.<br />
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I wish you much luck - one other thing, limit the time you allow yourself to think about what it happening in your life right now. Give yourself a break often...take a walk, visit with family/friends, go to the gym, catch up on reading, pursue a hobby. I hope this helps ;0)