A Little Confused, A Little Guilty

ok, here goes, its my first time on here so you might have to bear with me. i am having an affair with a married man, i have never had affair before, neither has he. we r both 28, i have been married for 3 years, together for 12, his situation is about the same, neither myself or other man have kids. we got chattin by chance on a social site (not a dating one) an we immediately clicked. we talked for ages, and we are always texting and chattin (we both bought 2nd phones so partners would find any dodgy numbers) we decided to meet up one night when i was away on business (we live about 3 hours away from each other, but i was staying 15 mins away from wherg he lives. we went out for a meal had drinks and he ended up coming back to my hotel and he stayed the night and it was amazing, he is gorgeous, considerate, kind and a good laugh, basically everything my hubby isnt!! its now been 4 months since we first spoke, we txt each other every day and have met up 3 times and we have just met up again today and had a great day. the problem is that im now starting to have feelings for my other man an i feel really guilty towards my nubby because i have never wanted to hurt him and do still love him, im just not in love with him and feel like im stuck in this relationship. i guess what im tryin to say is that im completely confused about everything!!!
emisconfused emisconfused
6 Responses Aug 5, 2010

Take it for what it is. Don't rush things. Don't have any expectations and use what you learn about yourself and your marriage to make your decisions. Don't do anything in haste. Take care of yourself.

First of all, I think it's pretty nice sharing those passionte experiences with this guy. I know exactly what you're going through. I'll say, just weigh the other guy and see if he'll leave his wife for you. Let him do it first, and then you follow suit. <br />
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Follow your heart. Yes, follow your heart, it may cause you pain or joy you never know. It's you thinking too much and too ahead of time that will make everything so much worse. If this guy is talking about being together, tell him your fears and let him know you want to be with him, he just needs to prove it to you and you are willing to follow in his steps.<br />
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I wish you the best. Most of all, enjoy being in love/lust/passion or whatever you wanna call it. Live your life. If you don't enjoy this while it lasts, you may regret this too later.

I am also new to this whole affair thing. I am 30 years old and have a 3 year old child with my husband. I recently have been having an emotional and romantic affair with someone whom I have been friends with for 10 years and work with. It is very confusing and hard because you are trying to balance two relationships. I read your story and could completely relate. The problem for me is the person I have been having intimate relations with is divorced so he has more freedoms and less risks than myself. I think we r both trying to fill voids that our marriage is not fulfilling. My husband can be so loving at times but I think I am seeking more attention than he gives me. My life is in constant turmoil because of the affair but I am not able to end it or my marriage at this point. My theory is what happens happens and see where the affairs takes you. Jumping to quick decisions like a divorce might not be the best overall answer

The sad thing is that the only person you should be thinking about is your child. That's the main problem with having affairs, people tend to get to caught up in the lust and passion of an affair and forget everything else that's important to them. You need to take a step back and decide what best for your FAMILY not whats best for your lover.

I had a few affairs too. They were very nice and passionate. One thing that we had agreed on was to limit ourselves to the adventures and not get into any emotional trap. And it worked out very well. On and off I still keep meeting each of 'em and we still have our li'l flings. They are as passionate as before. So my suggestion to you is to set a limit to your engagement as well and make hay whil;e there is opportunity and not fall in the trap.

Your husband loves you and this man ... is going to use you and dump you ... If you dont want to be married to your husbamd, let him go and give him the opportunity to make a new life for himself ... (We all have faulty relationships) - Affairs are not the answer - they normally the problems - All I can say here is ... Be fair...

This isn't going to fix anything i know you sound like me about 4 years agos. Yeah the affair made me feel good and wanted for awhile but when things ended i had to go back to my other life i found i had a empty place in my heart even if i knew nothing could come of the affair cos i was married and he was married. And i found myself madly looking to fill that void again and get that feeling back of that high the affair gave me but all that happened was i fell into a deep depression. ripped apart my entire life of 16 years all because my partner wouldn't listen to me. Believe me bite the bullet and tell your husband your not happy if he won't listen then maybe take some time out go stay at a friends for a week or something so he does take notice. Decided whats right for you cos if you do things right now if you decided to end it with your husband or not your feel a lot better for it in the long run. A lot less people will get hurt.