He's Like My Drug...

I'm married under 5 years, in my 30's and here's my story.
So, I started working at a new job and about six months later, one of my colleagues (who's in a relationship of several years -.he's in his late 30's) began playing mind games with me where some days I wanted to kill him and other times I wanted to sleep with him. For some reason, I was his main target and I started to have fleeting thoughts of what he was really trying to get at....we would go for lunches, run work errands and then one day we decided to plan a dinner.... I said to myself, this dinner will be the defining point of what we really want from each other. Well, we had a blast eating, sharing stories, drinking copious amounts of wine...and then he made his move. Kissing him felt great like it validated how desirable I must be.
We continued flirting and scheduling dates...now, our dates are straight to the motel - sex is amazing and we usually go for hours!
The problem is that I'm starting to fear that he's becoming very addictive... I don't want this experience to become bigger than me or something I can't control. I still love my husband and would never want to hurt him so I have to make sure that this stays discreet. He has a girlfriend and I wouldn't want to compromise their relationship although I find it difficult not to feel envy, especially when he shares stories with me about her. I never imagined being in this situation but it just happened...
nadie3 nadie3
31-35, F
5 Responses Mar 25, 2012

I was in a similar situation, my bf became so addicting, my moods were effected by how thing were between us, i love ,y husband but htis guy (who was so great at the mind games) became my focus.<br />
We were together for over 2 yrs only ending this week. The rollercoaster these past years has proven to be exhausting. We were just like you guys, and the sex was truly amazing, not sure if he was just that good or if it was beacause it was secret or because those few hours were just dedicated to us, no house, no kids, no anything but us.<br />
After living it for so long, my advise is get out quickly, before it consumes you, i was so lucky my husband never discovered, really lucky but at the same time i wish i didnt spend the last 2+ yrs on that roller coaster.

I think your warning come too late...
Read this: " I feel your pain...my husband found out a few days ago and I feel like I broke him to pieces. He'll need his space so that it sinks in and then you both need to decide what has to be done...leave or work it out"
nadie3 wrote that in www.experienceproject.com/stories/Cheated-On-My-Husband/2223926

Too late for that...

Some days ago, you wrote a comment in another story that your husband found out.<br />
<br />
You told you dont want to hurt him, but in that comment you felt like if you broke him in pieces.<br />
<br />
How things are now?<br />
<br />
And if really you love him, why did you had an affair knowing how painful it would be for him?<br />
Thats something I cant understand. <br />
I only hurt people I like in moments of rage or anger (with words). Meaning:when I am not thinking straight.<br />
Or when they do something hurtful to me.

I was just thinking all this myself.

the risky element... which everybody likes.. haha

You need to decide if its just sexual or love on both of your parts.One person may be in love and that is where you have to be careful not to have a broken heart or a broken marriage.Playing around is a double edged sword.If found out someone will be deeply hurt.The question remains are you addicted to the thrill of great sex and can you leave love out of your relationship.For some that is impossible.

it's an addiction. I am fighting it as well. If your relationship with your lover is anything like mine, the feelings are enhanced because of the passion, the sex is earth-shaking and the 'danger' of it all may play a part. But keep in mind that the time spent isn't a true representation of reality. When you close that hotel room door, you leave behind all your troubles, hard feelings, arguments, family angst, etc. It's easy to get along when all you share are feelings of ecstasy.

It's so true...and I keep telling myself that so I can avoid falling deeper down the rabbit hole...some days are easier than others - it's the times when I don't see him for awhile, I'm chewing at my fingernails...