What Now?

So just when I thought things were getting better, they got worse. While trying to talk to my wife about this whole thing, I asked her what exactly both she as well as this other man is getting out of the whole affair, she says "Do you want to ask him?". At first, I thought no, I don't, because I know what it would lead to..name calling, accusations, etc, plus i didn't expect him to tell me the truth either.. But then I figured OK, why not. So i sent him a message, to which he at first blew off and asked my wife if he even should. So I caught him online and confronted him directly..of course, he starts in with a typical load of bullshit, and then replies "I will answer one thing..I don't intend on doing anything around "your kid". So I ask "So you are planning on flying from The UK to here?" "Of course I'm coming" he says.

You would think after all the arguments I've had with her, and asking numerous times if he was indeed coming, she would be honest and tell me the truth, but now she swears she had no idea he was planning anything..I cant believe she wouldn't know..How could she not? Now all of a sudden I'm the one who did wrong by asking him in the first place and then going after him to get an answer..she tells me "I wasn't serious when I said you should ask him". How the **** am I supposed to know that?! She didn't say it in a sarcastic or facetious manner..She says that I was "snooping" and that I am pushing her farther away by doing this.

As of today, I am finally broken..I told her that I truly love her, but her whole "ignorance is bliss" attitude about it all has caused me to stop caring what she does anymore, and I told her so. She then asks "Do you think I still love you?" I told her no, her actions have proven that time and again..She began crying, like she's genuinely hurt by that. I hate seeing her cry but i hate the way this whole thing has made me feel too. Should i have left well enough alone or did I have the right to know? And more to the point, will i be able to live past this? I don't have the answer to either of those..but i do know that I want..and might..do great harm to him if not myself when he arrives. I have never had the gut hatred for someone like this, and I have been in my fair share of scrapes with people who I am violently opposed to.

But murder? Or suicide?
Liedtonolonger Liedtonolonger
31-35, M
2 Responses Jul 30, 2012

I agree withHanaih, you need to leave her. In a marriage there are sacrifices that are made to carry on a good healthy happy relationship, and one is giving up the single life of having new lustful relationships. She can't "have her cake and eat it too" it doesn't work like that. Your happiness will affect your child and you need to comes to exacting terms with this. Divorces hurt, but there is a much happier life after it. Good luck!

I haven't logged in for awhile but curious to see if you had added to your story. Wow this was quite shocking to read that you confronted this man. As I feel you have a right too. But what on earth are you still doing with this woman? Yes it's hard to let go of someone you may love but actions speak louder than words. My advice to you is send her packing. I would message this man and tell him to come and pick her up. Maybe even have bags packed for her. Think of her as extra baggage that you don't need. Also keep all the evidence of the cheating. Most judges frown upon infidelity do maybe she would pay you child support!<br />
Why constantly have to worry if your own wife is faithful. Quite wasting your time and find someone who is. I know this is hard but for your own sanity and well being its the best thing for you and also your daughter. Life is to short to be unhappy! <br />
Best Regards to you!