Affair

I love my husband but I have been cheating on him. I was only 22 when we first married and he was 34. Im 25 now.We have a son together and we each brought in a daughter from previous relationships. I'm confused on what to do. I'm not making an excuse as to why I cheated but if I was happy I wouldn't have done it. There has also been abuse both mentally and physically. I just need some kind of advice what the best thing is to do here. He doesn't deserve this and neither do I but our kids need a stable home. Our sex life is terrible, we don't have one and that's before I cheated on him.. I appreciate any advice.
karalynn1227 karalynn1227
22-25, F
2 Responses Sep 19, 2012

I am 50 plus man, married 30 years, have grandkids. I have never wanted a different wife, but have often wanted different sex. I have had a few extramarital "experiences". So has she, including with my own brother, that sneaky dirty rat :). We even had a shared time with another couple. Now for over ten years it is just us, and we are very normal empty-nesters. My point in saying these things is not to dis traditional marriage, but rather to show how big and good it really can and should be. I mean, I sure do like sex and have had lots of experiences one would think were fantasy stories if I told them. However, the really worthwhile thing in my life is that I am with this person who I really like, we have been through so much together, and now we get to watch grandkids grow up together.

So the thing I think you need to do is first, keep a cool head and do not allow yourself to be driven by guilt, lust, or emotional connections. Keep in mind that marriage is worth it, and the big difference between an affair and marriage is that an affair ends.

Second thing, is that you are in no way in mental shape to conduct and affair and make decisions about your marriage and so if you have not done so, you need to end the affair now. I mean, do not be concerned about how graceful you do it, or what is kind or fair. Just do it and do it quickly. You need to clear your head so you can learn to think bigger than you have been thinking, and nothing else is as important at the moment.

Do not tell your husband. Not yet. If you decide that your marriage is right, then some day you can and should tell him. However, doing so right away should be avoided. For one, the motivation would be selfish ... relief from guilty feelings ... getting punishment you want. For another, the emotional "stuff" that will come from both of you will result in bad decisions.

Finally, you need to figure a lot out and really grow up. This could be a very tough period and things might get worse before they get better. Consider professional counseling, but be very careful to get only the very best, and also consider that you may be better off without it, possibly. The point here, is that you need to learn what your uncompromising needs really are vs. what you think they should be. You need to also learn to love the things about yourself that you now currently deny and repress really exist. Worse yet, you need to figure out what these same things are in this man you have married. Then, you need to figure out if the two of you can actually compliment each other through life.

It is a long tough challenge, and there is no room for guilt and shame. It should help you to not feel guilty and dirty right now, to keep in mind that those feelings will prevent you from accomplishing great things for yourself and this person who you promised to love.

"we each brought in a daughter from previous relationships" - do were into relationship before marriage.

I would suggest that, just talk with ur husband whatever you have in mind and sort out the differences. most of the time, things that are unsaid, is unheard. :)

Hope you are able to sort out the differences and have a excellent sex life.