So Conflicted

Its been four months and after every meeting he just grows on me. I don't know what is in his mind.He does not talk much about his feelings.We can spend hours together talking, laughing, kissing...All I know is that he said this was a no strings attached relationship and I walked into it with my eyes open.Yet all I see are strings...And we haven't even had sex yet.
He is married, I am married and we both have kids.And like most affairs we know/meet each other out of our own little world as well.
Sometimes I want him insanely just for the physical aspect of it all.At other times I want all of him, not wanting to share, want him next to me forever holding me at night or wanting to see him when I get up in the morning next to me.Yet some other times I want to end all this so I don't go insane with the absurdity of it all, not knowing where this is headed or not knowing what is in his head.
Hormones are supposed to explain all your idiotic behavior in your teens not in your late thirties and forties.
I know there are quite a few women on EP going through this.Tell me how you cope.Men I would love to hear your perspective too.
hopefulfor2013 hopefulfor2013
36-40, F
2 Responses Jan 21, 2013

I have been in this for nearly 6 (crazy, happy, all in all f-d up) years.

We are married. We happen to fall in love with someone else, I suppose it takes time
for the chemicals to settle down.
After a while you can rationalize and stay in your marriage....I'm in this right now..I can decide to be discreet friends with benefits or just friends... or not.

The only way I found to live through this, and stay (somewhat) sane, is to invest heavily into my career so that my mind is challenged and I am not stuck waiting, stagnating and emotionally desperate for a man that I love so dearly and loves me back too.
One day at a time...

Thank you for commiserating. One day at a time is the key... I guess.
It's not easy.

You are speaking my language. For me and my mm, it's been almost 5 months. We tell each other it's "no strings attached," but sometimes...sometimes.... I can't even go there.