I'm Devistated-2nd Divorce-love Him So Much

He's still living here. In a nut shell, we would have been married for 10 years on Sept. 10, 2008. Jeff had an affair with the only woman co-worker on the staff (EWWW...she's almost 50, he's 36!) He didn't come home apologizing, he was caught by me.

I took him back with 2 conditions. Please don't ever lie to me anymore and please go to see a therapist. We did NOT have a bad marriage. In fact people couldn't belive we had been married for 10 years. We were still all over each other. Texting 10 times a day "I love you". I'm an Italian Old school. Dinner was made and on the table when he got home from work. I would run out to his truck after he pulled in just to give him a BIG hello.

The point is...we were fine. This OLD LADY came up to him and said she had a "sexual" dream about him and Jeff took it a step further and there in lies where the affair began.

The worst part of the whole thing is...and I know you'll all think I'm crazy for taking him back after what I have to tell you....

A: For 2 weeks before he walked out on me...one was my b-day...he said he was going out to get my present and went to her apt. and screwed her.

B: He said he was picking up his son from his first marriage 45 min. away but was gone for 5 hours. Found out that he went and screwered her THAT day too.

But the whole time he was accusing me of having an affair. MOthers day I was doing the dishes and he walked up to me as I was crying and he said...in the nastiest voice you can imagine,,,"What? You expect me to be nice to you JUST BECAUSE IT'S MOTERS DAY...YOU'RE HAVING AN AFFAIR!"

I spent 2 weeks telling him that I would never do that to him. I would never hurt him like that. He finally walked out on me May 15th 2007, the day before my fathers b-day. A week later he came back to the house at my begging and told me he was living in his truck, washing up in bathrooms and al his paychecks were going to motel rooms and I SHOULD FEEL ASHAMED OF MYSELF FOR MAKING HIM LIVE THAT KIND OF LIFE.

Come to find out...the night he left, he walked out on me and drove straight to the ***** apartment where he lived with her for 3 weeks.

After I caught him, I said..."Play time is over, you better get your *** home and make this right. He was home within 5 hours.

I took him back and it took some lying and coniving but I finally got him to admit the affair. It's 8 months since I found out. One of the conditions is that he PLEASE not lie to me anymore. No matter what the question. I need to know that I can trust when he says all the time.

NOt one month has pased where I haven't totally caught him in a lie whre he's FINALLY admitted after hours of arguing.

I'm not a stupid person...I'm not a needy patheti person. I'm a 42 year old mother of 3 teenage kids. Daughter 19 (lives with her boyfriend) 18 year old son and 14 year old son.

PLEASE tell me what is wrong with me that I can say the words..."I want a divorce jeff, you'll never gonna change! I finally get myself to the point where I start to feel alittle better about ourselves...a little more comforatble and I'm slammed with yet another lie and when that happens Jeff, you push me all the way back to the first time I discovered your affair and I'm starting all over again.

This has happened at least 25 times int he last 8 months. I know he won't change but I'm so scared to be alone. I need someone to give me strength. Part of me thinks I would rather have him here and be miserable then to kick him out and go balistic wondering who's he with, who's he screwing, who's he spending all his free time with.

PLEASE, PLEASE SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN IN A SIMILIAR SITUATION PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE. Should I try a little longer to stick it out or just "let him fly".

Oh...on a cliff note..I actually got up the guts to tell him I wanted a divorce  2 nights ago. within 12 hours I checked the computer and he was already looking into changing his address to a p.o. box and he's looking into apts.


DonnaMarie DonnaMarie
7 Responses Mar 17, 2008

I swear I was married to the same man. It's like trying to buy bread in a hardware store. You just can't get what isn't there. Some people were never loved properly and will never love properly. They only know how to do what makes them happy for the moment.

Reading your story actually made me feel better...somebody out there is also dealing with a liar...My future ex husband is a major LIAR...the one thing that breaks my heart!<br />
Good for you telling him you want the divorce. You know the saying "The proof is in the pudding?" well...if he's already looking to change his mail...he has no interest in staying...and do you really want that life?<br />
My future ex husband and I were like you...very lovey dovey...cute texts all the time...doing "Cute" things...but, what he did to me is NOT ok and what this a-hole is doing to you is NOT ok...I think you might have an issue with co-dependency (just like me) it's not easy, but once the guy is out of dodge and you begin to rebuild, it will get better...keep a stiff upper lip

not good . why cant i find a good fun lady like you for me.? im on the other side having an ex wife who went bad. f**** a co worker and another from a cult her sister got her to join..made her basically a church ***** !! but hey she is a grown woman. i guess what confuses me, is why you women always choose the jerks and ******** and us good ones pay the price?

I kicked Jeff out on May 20th, 2008. Wow, I can't believe it's been almost a year!! He said around Christmas time that he was going to file for the divorce. We don't have any assets to split, no kids between us so this should be an easy divorce. I still haven't seen any papers and I haven't talked to him in MONTHS!! I know he still has the same job (cause my family is friends with the company owners). I'm going on with my life. I've even dated here and there. I don't mind so much about rushing this divorce because right now I'm covered under his health ins. and as long as we're married, I'll have health benefits. Once the divorce goes through, I wont. My job doesn't supply it for part time workers. So there you have it....I'm doing ok. I honestly don't like being alone. I hate not having someone to come home to at night or knowing that I have someone coming home to me. I guess I just love being in love. I adored being married...caring for someone...but I know realize you can't be the only one in the marriage who's making the effort.

Get out now..he will continue to mess u up and prevent u from having any real joy in life.<br />
Your childen are able to undestand u r both unhappy. Agree to sit down and explain to them it is over.<br />
Let him get a condo or live in the truck,get some child suppport from him.<br />
KICK HIM TO THE KERB he is a total user and u must save yourself.

Just curious as to where you are at now in your process?

I am currently going thru a second divorce too , my husband was on dating websites chatting with other women , even calling them, on **** websites, googling his ex and after all of this I took him back.....It was hard but I was afraid of being alone too and did not want to be divorced twice therefore I kept overlooking all these things that he had done, only to be told now that he wants a divorce because I do not get along with his mother!! who by the way is the ***** from hell!!! my stories regarding her on the "i hate my mother in law group" anyways to cut a long story short the reason why we keep wanting to stay is because we afraid of what the divorce will bring, all the heartache, depression, anger, lonliness but I have realised that it may hard (and i kid you not , it is damn hard) it is for the best...........Once the emotional rollercoaster is over you end up finding the real you and all you will remember after the heartache has passed is all the betrayal!!!<br />
be strong and do not put up with his **** any longer.....I'M not