I'm Devistated-2nd Divorce-love Him So Much
He's still living here. In a nut shell, we would have been married for 10 years on Sept. 10, 2008. Jeff had an affair with the only woman co-worker on the staff (EWWW...she's almost 50, he's 36!) He didn't come home apologizing, he was caught by me.
I took him back with 2 conditions. Please don't ever lie to me anymore and please go to see a therapist. We did NOT have a bad marriage. In fact people couldn't belive we had been married for 10 years. We were still all over each other. Texting 10 times a day "I love you". I'm an Italian Old school. Dinner was made and on the table when he got home from work. I would run out to his truck after he pulled in just to give him a BIG hello.
The point is...we were fine. This OLD LADY came up to him and said she had a "sexual" dream about him and Jeff took it a step further and there in lies where the affair began.
The worst part of the whole thing is...and I know you'll all think I'm crazy for taking him back after what I have to tell you....
A: For 2 weeks before he walked out on me...one was my b-day...he said he was going out to get my present and went to her apt. and screwed her.
B: He said he was picking up his son from his first marriage 45 min. away but was gone for 5 hours. Found out that he went and screwered her THAT day too.
But the whole time he was accusing me of having an affair. MOthers day I was doing the dishes and he walked up to me as I was crying and he said...in the nastiest voice you can imagine,,,"What? You expect me to be nice to you JUST BECAUSE IT'S MOTERS DAY...YOU'RE HAVING AN AFFAIR!"
I spent 2 weeks telling him that I would never do that to him. I would never hurt him like that. He finally walked out on me May 15th 2007, the day before my fathers b-day. A week later he came back to the house at my begging and told me he was living in his truck, washing up in bathrooms and al his paychecks were going to motel rooms and I SHOULD FEEL ASHAMED OF MYSELF FOR MAKING HIM LIVE THAT KIND OF LIFE.
Come to find out...the night he left, he walked out on me and drove straight to the ***** apartment where he lived with her for 3 weeks.
After I caught him, I said..."Play time is over, you better get your *** home and make this right. He was home within 5 hours.
I took him back and it took some lying and coniving but I finally got him to admit the affair. It's 8 months since I found out. One of the conditions is that he PLEASE not lie to me anymore. No matter what the question. I need to know that I can trust when he says all the time.
NOt one month has pased where I haven't totally caught him in a lie whre he's FINALLY admitted after hours of arguing.
I'm not a stupid person...I'm not a needy patheti person. I'm a 42 year old mother of 3 teenage kids. Daughter 19 (lives with her boyfriend) 18 year old son and 14 year old son.
PLEASE tell me what is wrong with me that I can say the words..."I want a divorce jeff, you'll never gonna change! I finally get myself to the point where I start to feel alittle better about ourselves...a little more comforatble and I'm slammed with yet another lie and when that happens Jeff, you push me all the way back to the first time I discovered your affair and I'm starting all over again.
This has happened at least 25 times int he last 8 months. I know he won't change but I'm so scared to be alone. I need someone to give me strength. Part of me thinks I would rather have him here and be miserable then to kick him out and go balistic wondering who's he with, who's he screwing, who's he spending all his free time with.
PLEASE, PLEASE SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN IN A SIMILIAR SITUATION PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE. Should I try a little longer to stick it out or just "let him fly".
Oh...on a cliff note..I actually got up the guts to tell him I wanted a divorce 2 nights ago. within 12 hours I checked the computer and he was already looking into changing his address to a p.o. box and he's looking into apts.