I Never Thought It Would Happen Again
after the first marriage ended i took three years to work on myself and support my child. then i met this great guy - stable, secure, honest, and strong. we moved in together within a year and were married a couple of years later. i ignored the signs - unable to share feelings, no respect for what was important to me, lack of insight into what made him tick. when we ran into problems several years into the marriage, i thought getting help for his depression would make everything better. it didn't. after nearly 12 years together, i found out that he had a drinking problem, which he went to great lengths to hide. we tried to work through that - i began attending Al-Anon meetings - but the final straw was finding out he'd had a "fling" with a colleague.
i am devastated. my first husband left me for another woman and has now married her and had two children with her. i have always made it clear that i want honesty in my relationship. the last thing i expected was that my second husband would cheat on me. i realize it's not the reason we split up, but it is the reason we will never get back together. and we still care very deeply for each other. he is full of remorse for his actions. i can forgive and i have, but i can't forget.
i cannot understand how i, an educated, funny, professional woman with good interpersonal skills, could have ended up in relationships with these men. what is it about me? that's where i'm stuck. i'm embarrassed at having my second marriage fail. i didn't feel like a failure when the first marriage ended, but i certainly feel like one now. i can't seem to get past the shock and despair over this. to make matters worse, my 2nd ex and i are still friends. i say this is worse because i look at him and can't understand how we ended up in this place.