I am in the process of going through a tidal wave of changes in my life. Almost two years ago I lost my husband, life partner, and father of our children. The same year my middle son started college. I only had my baby boy with me for only two more years and he started college this Fall. To top it off I have been going through pre menopause since June of last year.

I lost my life partner, started pre menopause, have an empty nest, and suffering from job burnout. I am trying to get a handle on everything but it seems as soon as I have a grasp on one issue another substantial issue rolls over me in tidal waves of agony, grief, confusion, and loneliness. I feel like I am left drowning, gagging, and clawing for my sanity.

The empty nest only reinforces the grief of losing my husband because we were making plans to be a couple again. The quiet is the worst because I miss talking to him about everyday issues, I miss running feet in the house, and I miss my sense of peace. I am living but I am no longer swimming through life. I feel I am barely treading water. My beautiful sons are the reasons I continue to fight.

I am in the process of starting hormone therapy to hopefully counteract the pre menopausal symptoms. I am seeking employment in another field because the mental health field is extremely stressful. My empty nest and the loss of my husband are the areas in my life that are causing me the most grief. I just needed to tell someone how I feel because I refuse to burden my sons with my feelings. They need to blossom in college without worrying about mom.
Onpointe43 Onpointe43
41-45, F
Sep 9, 2012