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I'm Really Not Sure How Things Are Gonna Turn Out.

I am in such an unstable position in my life right now. Im finding it hard to believe that my life will ever be anything resembling what it used to be. I went to tech school, became a programmer / analyst. Stayed in that career for 15 years. I did good, God promoted me, My jobs every time I changed were steps up. I was blessed with a Federal job, a great job, one to retire from. The only thing was I didn't fit in with the personalities. I had never dealt with this before, had always gotten along well with everyone. There were 2 older women in particular who didn't like me. They both had been there 30 years and were the queens. If they said you're out, you were out. Not a part of. I stayed and tolerated it for six years and then had some medical problems that kept me out for quite awhile. This is what they used to get rid of me. I haven't been able to get a decent job since. I have a 9 year old son, his father is absent. I have no idea where he is and don't care to. I have no family except my mother. I'm convinced she is mentally I'll. She can't do anything for herself, and I mean NOTHING. She expects me to solve all her problems, feed her, buy ALL her necessities. She expects money just about every day. If I don't give it to her, or get it for her she gets angry and treats me horribly or starts crying like a 5 yr old. If I don't have it she goes to my BF. She has a job, a car, a reasonably priced place to live. I have no job, no car, and am living in a hotel with my son. Just today she asked my 9 yr old for money, his allowance, but he spent it yesterday. The man I'm seeing is abusive and insecure, making him jealous, controlling, and possessive. I've tried to break off with him, 90% of the time he slithers back into my life because my mom needs money or pain pills from him. She throws me under the bus every time she needs something. My life is a royal mess right now. I keep praying to God to bless me with a job so my son and I can get back our independence. So far, the last 2 1/2 yrs, no such luck. I really want to just disappear once I get back on my feet. I just needed to get that off my chest. Long I know!
LadyHawke68 LadyHawke68 41-45, F 5 Responses Jan 16, 2012

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I really hope you find a great job and get a nice car i feel really bad for you and will pray that you find hope like you did for me thanks man i hope you are doing better with every thing

Let go of the guy. Distance yourself from your mom. Maybe consider staying at a homeless shelter until you get on your feet. I was homeless, found support there and got back on my feet. i can now say that i am single independent woman who just bought a house! :)

First of all .. why are you seeing or allowing an abusive, useless, controlling man... If your mom uses him.. or needs something from him... get them together and work it out.. doesnt mean you have to see him.. I am sure and I know there is so much more to this than is obvious.... so i apologize for stating the obvious.. Good luck

i feel for you but you sound like my sister in a way shes always looking after others before her own family and i kept telling her dnt worry about others do you first and it took her awhile but she got the hang of it, now my family respect her alot more and shes been able to move outta home meet a new BF and shes got a lil baby gurl. It did take her many years but im so proud she did it. In your case its harder because my sister had me and other siblings to help her. All i say is give it ago and that there are support groups for solo parents. As for your mother well shes selfish and the more you do for her the more she will expect it. keep your head up and do it for your son.

If you mother has a job and car then she is better off than you and needs to know that she shouldn't be adding to your own problems. It wouldn't be unreasonable to tell her you expect her to look after herself and would appreciate help yourself, not the other way around.<br />
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If she is incompetent or showing signs of dementia, maybe a GP visit would be appropriate to help sort out what support she needs if mentally unwell.<br />
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If your mother wants a relationship with your BF, then perhaps they should go do that, and leave you alone. If your mother wasn't a drain on you, you would be less indebted to the BF.<br />
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Can you say more about what hurdles are getting in the way of employment for you? Do you have web-page experience? If so, could you do some work for volunteer organisations to set up their web pages, and use that experience as relevant recent work to help get the next job? Many companies don't know anything about web technology, and for someone with your skills I suspect it wouldn't take you long to use the current tools to do great work, which you could do from home.<br />
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If you can be a little more specific, perhaps our advice could help more....<br />
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Keep your chin up, you're doing a difficult job with no support, and it must be very hard at times. Perhaps a trouble shared could be a trouble halved?