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Day 10-15

Been preoccupied and have forgotten to write. Went on a short holiday with three girls from thurs-sun. It's interesting to notice how I've changed in my interactions with people- i no longer make an effort to be friendly or impress- I'm ultra mellow and I think I like that about myself. People can accept me for how I am or not. Seriously, aren't there enough enthusiastic, bubbly people in this world- all I can think is how exhausting it must be to stay in that switched on mode. I can't do it and I won't do it!

Still trying really hard each and every day. I wake up and put on my game face. Change is very slow and gradual and so it's easy to feel defeated, but if I concentrate on making this day better than the last, even if it's just in some minor, insignificant way than I'm hoping it will be worth it. My life at the moment is still dull, without meaning and lonely. And there are so many things I want to change but I don't want to rush myself and land flat on my face. Once I get the basics in order like diet, exercise, sleep and study routines then maybe I will be ready to tackle the harder things.

I'm happy to say that I am still fighting.

muffintop muffintop 22-25, F Apr 13, 2010

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