18/F & I've been in a long distance relationship for a year now, and don't get me wrong, I do honestly love the guy but its all just emotional stuff. I've never actually seen him in real life. Before him I was in a year long VERY physical relationship. Its not just the sexual aspects of it that I miss (but BOY do I miss them) Its the lovey dovey stuff too. Its hard to go from all that, to basically zero contact with the one I'm with. I miss the hand holding, the kissing, the cutsie bullshit. I miss cuddling, and just being able to be near a person physically. Its now been nearly 2 years since I've been sexually active or had any kind of physical contact with a person in that way. I recently started working at a new job and one of my co-workers and I seemed to hit it off almost instantly. We have literally so much in common that its crazy. I get butterflies in my stomach when he texts me or when I see him. I've missed this feeling. I've missed it so much. Him and I are planning on meeting up tomorrow morning and spending the day together and we've talked about having sex. I don't know anymore what I want. I need this contact. I long for it so much. He isn't just interested in me for that either, he's actually sincere (from what I can tell) and kind. I'm the one who initiated the sexual conversation so I really feel like a ****** person. I feel like a cheater, and I know that I am, but nobody has any idea how badly I need this. I don't know how far things might go. I don't know if i'll stay with my long distance boyfriend. I want something here within my grasp, but I love the other guy so much. Pretty much my heart. my brain, and my crotch are all telling me different things and I'm being torn somewhere between feeling bad and having no regrets. Has anyone else ever been in this type of situation?
I know that you're all just going to tell me to break things off with my boyfriend before doing anything, but my heart won't let me. Its ****** up isn't it? My moral code wont let me break it off with a guy out of the blue, but it has no problem with me cheating. I'm a class A piece of ****.
chronolix chronolix
18-21, F
Aug 31, 2014