Well, I Am Going To Kill Myself, Hence The Name Of This Group.

I find it funny, that this website asks you to invite others to "join the fun" HA HA HA.

Well, I don't really care about anything anymore. I am not sad. I am not happy. I am already dead. It seems silly to live life so lifelessly. I have tried to pull myself out of this, but it all seems so fake to me. Everyone keeps saying that its going to get better, but I FIRMLY believe that it is not. It has not improved since it started, what makes me think that it will suddenly by some magical miracle disappear? I have been researching the most effective ways for sometime now, and am still undecided as to which way will be more effective. I am thinking insulin injection, because of my type 1 diabetic boyfriend, I have access to fast acting Humalog. I am so sick of living. Even when I do have good days it feels so fake to me, its only a matter of time before I feel like **** again, everyone says that it is the ****** times that are temporary, but for me it is the good ones that are temporary. It's like  a checker board.... is it black or is it red?  For some it might seem like a red board with black squares but for me its a black board with red squares. I just can't stand that I have people who love me and would be so messed up if I killed myself. I wish there was a way of doing it so that it wouldn't affect them. I wish they didn't have to know. Anyway, I am giving myself 10 days, then, I am going to go for it. I have never been happier then I am when I think of being so close to the end. I feel as though I have been running a marathon and I am finally allowing my self to stop running and torturing myself. I can see the finish line, and I have never been more relieved. I have made this decision and I am going to do everything in my will to carry it out. I don't know why I am telling this to some crazy internet site, but I am. I'm counting down my days! :) 

anonymous12345abcd anonymous12345abcd
18-21, F
2 Responses Mar 9, 2010

what if where ever you go is 1000 times worse than this... theres no killing urself again to escape... you must face your problems... know that you can fix any of life's problems as long as your ALIVE... nobody ever died and came back and said it was so great so don't go making an even bigger problem that you will NEVER BE ABLE TO FIX...

hey girlie chill... where are u from... talk to me... wateva it is it can be cured... get up get out, mingle, tell ur mom or dad or whoever u love them, and they wll say t back... know that you will hurt them and you will never be able to tell them sorry or pay them back for the hurt and pain you caused... people are so unknowing of others pain especially if they do not say anything, but more so when they can do something to prevent it and they wont... that is you... PLEASE I"M BEGGING YOU... and i don't even know you... DONT DO THIS!!! your around my age and there's no reason you should give up so soon... you never kno wats gonnna happen... life works in mysterious ways and everybody has a purpose... and everyone will die soon enough... DONT SPEED UP THE PROCESS... think about those that care and still want you here and will never be able to get you back... DONT BE SELFISH or SELFLESS... Be alive and remembered for something great... PLEASE READ WITH AN OPEN EYE... WE ALL LOVE YOU!!! god bless sweetheart... you and all of us, we are here in it TOGETHER!!!