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Fidelity

I know....who'da thought...me...tgrsldy..the former sxdup (not sexdup, as some write)...saying something controversial.  LOL!! 

Recent events in my life have caused me to examine my beliefs more closely.  And the area which I have been evaluating is my beliefs regarding homosexuality/bisexuality.   I've always thought I had a pretty good handle on my feelings about both.  But upon closer examination, I find that if I want to be honest with myself, I must admit, I need to do a little adjusting of my thinking...or not really adjusting, more fine tuning. 

There are a few things I must say up front, so that you will understand where I am coming from in my thought process.  I am the mother of not one, but two gay children...one girl, one boy.  They are both adults and are fairly secure with their sexuality/gender preference.  My son has been in a committed relationship for fifteen years, my daughter is still searching for both a partner and her place in this world. They are both very decent, caring people...much more so than my "straight" son. I fully support each of them...in all things.  I believe that gender preference is not a lifestyle choice, but an inborn preference...as much a part of you, and no more your choice, as your eye color or height.  It simply IS.  People who cannot accept this, who insist on calling names, like sinner or pervert, are a very sad lot to me, and make me ashamed to be a part of the same race (human) as them.  They would deny someone else happiness because it is not THEIR idea of happiness, although it takes nothing away from them.  It is irrational, I think..and a lot of times is the result of ignorance and/or flawed teaching in their upbringing.  People tend to adhere to most of what was learned while growing up..unless something happens to make them reevaluate that teaching.  Most don't even consider the feelings or rights of the persons they denigrate.  I steadfastly support the rights of homosexuals, bisexuals and all other minorities.  Bigotry, in any form, is anathema to me...I abhor it...and will not stand for it in my presence.

Ok...enough preamble...you should have a pretty good idea of my beliefs in this area.  I have always thought myself a very open person.  I do not judge anyone on who they love, what their sexual desires are (indeed, I have within my circle , several people some others in my circle would consider "perverts"), or anything else in which they engage that doesn't involve hurting others.  And it is this principle, not hurting others, that I must carry into my belief system about gender preference.  I think that if you are a "single" person, you should be perfectly free to love and be with whomever you please.  However, once you're in a committed relationship, I'm sorry...but I believe you should be faithful to that person to whom you commit.  To  some in my life, my acceptance and support of gender preference seems to automatically insinuate my acceptance of an "open relationship" style of life.  There are a few people close to me who have unwittingly shown me that they think this...and that cause me to examine what I did believe.  I've never stopped believing in fidelity.  Now, if partners agree to the open relationship, I have nothing against it...that is their business and their choice to make.  But I don't like it to be assumed that I condone infidelity...I do not.  My ethics are called into question, not overtly but in practice, by the actions of others.  Do I believe in openness or not?  Can you believe in gender preference rights and not open relationships?  Yes, is the unequivocal answer...you can, indeed...and I do.   I am a great believer in honesty...and that, I belive is the key.  As long as both partners are honest with each other, whatever they decide is right for them, is right for them.  But that doesn't make it right for me...and I reserve the right to MY beliefs, too.  I do not push them on anyone else, or even expect most people to understand all of them.  I think that homosexuality/bisexuality does not automatically make you "faithless".  That is a separate issue...independent of gender preference..it is no more prevalent in homosexual/bisexual relationships than in "straight" relationships....and I resent being made to feel "bigoted" or "judgemental" because of  my belief in fidelity.

 

lonesurvivor lonesurvivor 51-55, F 11 Responses May 25, 2010

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I totally agree. Infidelity is being dishonest with ones partner, breaking a promise to them, and IS a question of ethics or morality. Being gay or bisexual is NOT a moral issue, although some like to think it is. You can be an LGBT individual with strong ethics. You cannot be an ethical cheater, any more than you can be an ethical liar.
Your children are very lucky to have such a parent, who understands and supports them. :)

I've never read you before but followed PrettyOldSoul and MPslave over and am glad I did.....Outstanding post! Thanks.... :)

Thank you all very much!

xo

Great post!

thank you, i'm so sick of poly people pushing their orientation across as bisexual. it's insulting to monogamous bisexuals who want a life partner like myself. i am not kinky or open to having affairs in my relations. if i love someone i want to be with them and them only. being interested in both sexes does not require promiscuity imho.

Thanks, FGM....too many people both in and out of the "lifestyle" take homosexuality/bisexuality to mean "promiscuous"...it is such a fallacy....and , I think, harmful to the cause overall.<br />
<br />
Penny<br />
xoxoxo

I agree tgr.... If you are in a committed relationship then that is what you are "committed". It doesn't matter if you are committed to a same sex partner or not; if you have given your word to be faithful then you should do it. One of my best friends is gay and has been in a committed relationship for 20 years. Love can last forever between straight/gay/and bi couples but it takes work on the parts of all involved.

Thanks! So glad it turned out so well for you!!!

As a pervert (cross-dresser) and multiple adulterer I certainly have no business being holier than thou. I think I'm not. I hope not.<br />
<br />
I thought this post was GREAT, really good. I agree with you, even though in the past I was unfaithful. Being faithful to my late wife made things so much better.<br />
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BTW: After 20 years of keeping cross-dressing from my daughter, when I finally told her I was a CD and she came back with she was bi-sexual. I thought I would die laughing. All that secrecy for nothing. And we are now closer than ever.

Thanks for this comment!!

xo

Thank you, Tiger....me, too.<br />
<br />
itidyil!!!

You have made your point, well, my dear, and I hope everyone else sees it too. Good job, my tgrsldy!!!

Indeed, my dearest sister....you are so right!! Thank you for supporting me in this!!<br />
I love you, Pols!!<br />
<br />
xoxoxoxo