The Other Double Standard

I would like to start by saying I believe everyone here is well within their rights to talk to whoever they choose and are free to not associate with anyone they choose.

That being said. I am finding online especially on sites like this more and more ladies taking the stance that they will not talk to guys because "all males are creeps" or assume that the creeps out there speak for my entire gender therefore it is perfectly reasonable judge us all by the actions of a minority that annoy us guys as much as they do the ladies. What I find more alarming is this seems to be considered perfectly reasonable and acceptable. But I would venture a guess that if the tables were turned and a guy took the same stance and refused to talk to women because "women are all *******" they would be immediately attacked and called a jerk and a misogynist. I just feel that it has become socially more acceptable online to immediately assume the worst of someone for no other reason then they are male but somehow if the same rule is applied to women it is suddenly an outrage. All I am saying is people should have an open mind and judge people on their actions not their preconceptions and prejudice. If you run into a creepy person regardless of gender do what you feel you need to based on their actions and don't assume everyone else will behave the same way.

Rant over. lol
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16 Responses Sep 12, 2011

U quite often publicly take the "women are ******* stance". Mainly because like how many women say, all men they met are jerks, all women I've met are jerks. And just to see the double standard on how it is socially acceptable to absolutely demonize all men, but make the slightest disagreement with any female "sexist".

Why is there a debate about this. Women are and have been forming their own girls clubs for as long as humanity has excised. its not something new and it doesn't surprise me that it happens online. And secondly the idea that all men are pigs is sexist on the women's part but not without reason there are a fair number of creepy and perverse men online who frequent these sites.There are a lot of creepy women too... So please don't discriminate for childish reasons like this. lets be open minded adults here Ok

I am new to EP and in 2 days I have gotten some pretty crude emails and messages from guys LOL. I take no offense though. If they saw a real picture of me and then did it I would be flattered, I still might say no but I would feel good about myself none the less. In all of my years on sites I have found some darn creepy women too. It can go both ways. I guess I am an "easy" friender also. I may only have one thing in common with a person to accept them, just more to get to know is all. And feel free to friend me! : P

Very well said Sir

I won't add anyone male or female who is a member of only sex groups. I don't like it when people add me without commenting on any of my stories. A comment ISN'T "Oh, baby, do me." That person has to have written at least a few stories. I don't like gawkers 'n stalkers to my profile. Say something even if it is just hello. I won't bite (at least not too hard) and I only scratch when provoked. Absolutism and segregation is crazy.

Yellow dog, garcia :(

Woof woof, Paris.

I laughed... I laughed...

I can understand why some women choose not to add men. But some of them are very bitching about doing so and there's no need for that.<br />
I've seen women block men because they're lesbians and are sick of guys asking to watch or join in. I think it's the kind of thing that COULD be funny but only if you knew the person.<br />
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However, I do not think it's unfair to brand all guys the same. You be surprised at the number of vulgar and explicit advances I've had from females. I do judge people, but it's ba<x>sed on their groups and posts. I don't add men who like to share their wives but I also don't add women who say they have rape fantasises.

Agree 100% that nobody needs to be bitchy about not adding guys. (Just be courteous about it, sheesh.) Honestly...I just don't think anybody should be pressured to have to have any one in their social circle they aren't comfortable with.

Brava Bleed - except that the word 'not' crept into the first line of your second paragraph or you wrote 'unfair' instead of 'fair'.

Well said, Bleed.

Anyone on EP has the right not to let ANYONE into their circle for whatever reason. If 100% of the innapropriate emails they've received are from men (a high probability in my experience) and they wish to to not add any men, that is their absolute right. How can anyone say otherwise? The same goes for men. If a guy is on EP to just learn or read about his hobbies, I'm not going to throw a fit or claim sexism when he won't add me to his circle. It's his time. I think it would be easier to understand for men if they could see the gross emails women DO get. <br />
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Perhaps maleness is not a rational basis for exclusion for some on EP (it's not for me), but it may be for a woman who has her own personal reasons that she doesn't have to justify or explain to anyone. The fact that anyone would presume to tell me who I "have" to have in my social circle is just silly. <br />
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As for being rational, you never know what peoples' reasons are, or what life experience they may have had that makes them wary of men on or off the internet. And EP is not a place that one should have to explain that to anybody.

WTF. How could there be any debate about this? A blanket policy not to add people because they are male means the fact that they are a male is the reason for not adding them. The fact that every woman has an absolute right to add or not to add whomsoever she pleases doesn't magically make it a GOOD reason. It is not necessarily sexist, it's just irrational. Maleness is not a rational basis for exclusion. Paedophilia is. Zoophilia is. Unrepentent racism is. Satanism is. What is so difficult about this? And the whole thing is absurd - I can put up a female profile in a second so the exclusion offers no protection from prying male eyes. But the idea that there is a difference between prying male eyes and prying female eyes is absurd to start with. Perhaps a strict muslim woman would be justified taking such a stance because she has pictures with her head uncovered but even then the reason for the exclusion is not really the maleness, but the existence of the pictures. But PrinceAdonis is spot on - stop carping - the people you are carping about won't listen and everyone else will get bored. And he's right, too, in saying this isn't about sexism. It's about irrationality and the right to be irrational.

i believe from being on the net for about 8 years, the original statement is now correct, more women are blindly rejecting male friends on social sites. The obvious reason for this is mens attitude and treatment of women on social sites. over time it has become obvious to more and more women, adding men as internet friends is better off not happening. Its sort of sad, but then often understandable.

My dear Garcia, the only "good reason" a lady needs to have in not wanting to add any men to her circle is because she has made the personal decision to do so. (What if she is married and her spouse/partner is uncomfortable with her chatting with strange men online? What if she is particularly sensitive to crude emails? What fs she is not vaguely interested in striking up a friendship/relationship with a man? What if she has identifying (and I don't mean sexual) pictures online that she'd rather strange men don't see? What if she is just really shy?) By stating it is "difficult to fathom" a reason where it would be ok for a women not to want to add men implies that you know the reason for her being on EP to begin with. <br />
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I can say that my EP account is my playground and I can invite to my playground whoever I wish. I can also choose NOT to add someone for any reason at all. And if men that a woman doesn't know have sent her crude, suggestive or unwanted emails, she is entirely justified to proactively head that off by being upfront and stating she just doesn't want to deal with that anymore.<br />
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Again, don't blame the lady; blame the guys who bothered her to the point that she felt that was what she had to do.

If it is only because they are male, and let me be clear here that it is for no other reason whatsoever, then it is sexist and wrong - whether it is personal space or not.

Exactly PrinceAdonis, exactly. There is no reason I have to add anyone to my circle if I am uncomfortable.

I'm sorry, I thought this was real life. o_O

And that's how feminism has failed. It was never about equality you know. They made men look bad because of the actions of the minority of men for so long that it is a socially accepted form of sexism. It is also, ba<x>se, vulgar, disgusting, hypocritical, and ignorant. These days I see far more sexist women than men, and the sexist men don't act like its okay or try to justify their behavior.

You are completely right. Stella is completely right - why people add anyone that they haven't struck up a relationship with baffles me. As for RR, the idea that someone could have 'good reason' for not adding any men is difficult to fathom. It goes beyond saying that it's not difficult to understand why someone might choose not to add men: it says that decision is justified. No matter how understandable, there can never be a good reason for adopting such a blanket policy. Of course, it's a free world and there doesn't have to be.

Oh rest assurred: I know of ladies who are not playing with a full deck here ;-) People are not what they at first seem sometimes.<br />
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I understand what you are saying as well, but (and I don't mean this to sound bitchy!) I'm here to read experiences and learn (first and foremost) not to placate people I have never met. Many women will accept adds from men, but sometimes we need to set standards too :)

I actually don't add or really talk much with anyone on here until they've got enough activity to show that we've actually got something in common. Pretty much the same way I deal with people in the real world, too :).

Good point as well. Lots of adds I get don't have many common experiences with me, I've noticed.

It's just a bit of an annoyance, for sure. I finally figured out how to turn off the notifications whenever someone fans me, so they actually have to comment on something of mine before I'm even aware of them. I get a lot less junk mail this way :).

I understand that it's hard for the men on EP to know the amount of garbage/lame come on's/sex talk we tend to get as ladies here on EP in our inbox. The anonymity of the internet allows for people to behave especially badly without consequence. If a lady has stated she won't accept any adds from men, I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that she has good reason :) She has probably put up with quite a bit to get to that point, so it's not ba<x>sed on just an assumption. I've never actually seen a lady state, "all males are creeps" I have just seen them state they are not adding men.<br />
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If a man stated he wasn't adding any women for whatever reason, I honestly wouldn't mind at all. It's his account and his time on EP. Rather than being frustrated at the ladies for stating that they aren't adding men, why not place that frustration where it belongs: on the men who made her uncomfortable enough to state that in the first place?<br />
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Food for thought.