I really believe that the biggest mistake people make when they get married is expecting their spouses to provide everything to the other that they need in order to be happy, in every way, for the rest of their lives. It's not just because we're so selfish and narcissistic or even intentional. We're just so in love and get so wrapped up in the honeymoon that, when it wears off (and it always does), we don't know where to go from there.
Consider the emotional burden on someone who is expected to constantly uplift another person – you can't take a holiday from being married, usually. Obviously a marriage should be based on mutual love and the desire (and willingness) to invest a huge part of ourselves into it's success. But, before, there were friends and hobbies and those quiet, solitary times.
Those things are still important. Probably more important because marriage is hard and we need the distraction and support that are gained from having outside lives.
And, then there's sex. This site is filled with people who are sexually frustrated. Did we just choose wrong, or maybe just had something perfect and screwed it to hell? I think it's neither.
Monogamy is a wonderful idea – one I support. But, truthfully, I don't know any more if it's the right answer; it's certainly not for every relationship. I definitely do not support subversive affairs. But, just because a precept is widely accepted as reality does not inherently make it so.
I think we all have to find our own middle ground. And friendship or marriage should be equitable. If it isn't, it has a different name. As such, both people have the right to feel fulfilled and satisfied.
If someone actually has an answer, I'd love to know it.
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1 Response Aug 22, 2014

Don't get married and don't have children. Stay single and pay for sex once a month.

I know the feeling I've been married 4 times and have 2 grown ups too. If I had my time over I'd never get married and have children.

Marriage is over rated don't you think, How do you love your husband?