Finding The Space Between
I'm discovering something about myself. Men, hell relationships make me neurotic... it doesnt seem to matter if they are nice to me or if they are mean to me... hell even if they are good to me or bad to me...
all that is irrelevent to the crazy part of myself that needs to fall apart from time to time. About that tiny voice in your head and tells you that you aren't good enough, smart enough, pretty enough... EVEN WHEN you have all sorts of evidence to the contrary...
and dr nobody, I'm noticing that its been that way for a long time, perhaps as long as i am not talking about relaitonships where my family is concerned (there i have evidence that im not good enough, that i dont try hard enough, and i **** up way tooo much to be taken seriously)
um.... so where do i go from here
when i'm alone, im too lost in my own thoughts to notice life going on around me, i get out and about but more because its a ritual that forces me to be around people than a true and geniuine desire to connect with somebody anyways.. and i get neurotic about being alone or lonely.
I'm too cynical... and even when im trying to be optimistic its hard to ignore that whispering voice in my head.
So wheres the ballance? am i just doomed to be neurotic ande fragile everywhere?? Or can i find that space between where MAYBE with effort i can be comfortable