Therapy? Part 1.

Well... I don't have a Dr. Nobody, or a Mr. Cynic. I... Um... Well...

Her name is Madre. Mother. She can't talk, at least, not in the normal sense. Y'see, she's a dragon.

(Yes, that's right. I'm crazy.) Madre is a huge, golden green scaled, ancient dragon. Because I say so, damnit. And because I say so, I'm sitting on her shoulder in a huge cave. Just... Go with it.


I don't know what to do. I feel lonely, depressed, angry, and confused all at the same time. Perhaps I should just take it one thing at a time, hmm?

Madre's large head nods, twice, slowly. Her reptilian tail drapes its tip over one of her front legs, and the matronly dragon lets out a soft sigh, letting the warm air brush across Elwing's cheek.

Yeah. The beginning. Well... I think I was sort of an accident. I mean, when it came to my mom and dad 'having' me, that is. A few years ago, I found out about the whole thing. First, my mom and dad had been married for five or six years, when she found out she was pregnant with me. She originally went to the Dr. because she thought her ulcers were acting up. They gave her a bunch of STD tests, like they always do when you find out your pregnant, and got a false positive on one test. Just to be safe, the Dr. told my mom to go home, tell any sexual partners she'd had, and come back another day for a different test for the same thing. So... She had to tell my dad not only that she was pregnant, but that she'd been having an affair, and 'might' have an STD. My parents got divorced before I was three years old. Now... I found out about this, right before I, myself was going to be married, which didn't 'help' much. I went through a lot of rough stuff, with that relationship and marriage, but that's not what I'm talking about right now. Since then, I've kind of felt... Like, maybe, I was the reason that everything fell apart between my parents. If she hadn't gotten pregnant, then mom wouldn't have had to tell about the affair, and... God. I don't know. Maybe then I'd actually feel like I had a mother, instead of someone with the emotional equivalent of a dripping dishtowel, and a dad, instead of a big brother.

At this point, Madre's head turns even further, back towards Elwing. With such a long neck, its easy for the dragon to gently rest her nose on Elwing's knee.

At the same time I found out about this, I found out that my mother, herself, is actually the 'result' of my grandmother's first husband's dad raping my grandmother. Grandma's hubby's dad raped her. Talk about a screwed up family... What's even worse, is that I've known for a while that my mom accused her brother (my uncle) of sexually abusing her when she was little. Then... To top it all off, my mom added a heaping accusation towards my father, that he sexually molested me, when I was little... There was even a whole court... Thing, but my dad wasn't actually proven guilty. All my life, my mom's held that over my head, and I don't even know if my dad really did hurt me at all, or... Even worse, part of me believes that *someone* did hurt me, but I can't remember or don't know who. It terrifies me, that with all this messed up crap, my life will end up messed up too... Or worse, that I'd mess up my son, like I'm messed up.

Madre lets out another sigh, nuzzling Elwing's knee. Her tongue flicks out, whipping away an errant tear from the girl'goyle's face.

My mom's biological father was bipolar. My mom's been diagnosed as manic, or bipolar... One or the other. I've been diagnosed as dysthymic... Is it going to get worse for my son? I'm doing my best to keep it from getting worse for him, but... Sometimes I scare myself. I think really nasty things. I never act on them, but... I hate even having those thoughts in my head. I have no friends out here, no job (though my fiance works and supports all three of us), I don't like church, and there's really no group of people I can latch onto. I miss my internet friends, since we don't have the 'net at our house, and I want a dog...

(At this point, Elwing is reduced to sobbing, and her words are completely jibberish. The girl'goyle throws herself down, wrapping her arms around Madre's neck, and continues to sob.)

iFortiTude iFortiTude
20 Responses Feb 7, 2008

LOL I'm sure she doesn't spend *all* of her free time coddling me.

love your therapist. does she have any openings?

This isn't just a story. This is my life. I'm in the same place as I was before, LOL. You can't change the past, yeah? All that stuff happened. <br />
<br />
I wouldn't say I'm a 'fan' of Beowulf, but I've read a few of the stories written. It was a long time ago, though.

Hi..just readin the commentary here. Where have gone since this last post? Were you just writing a story or is that true with your family? If so....I have many webs to unravel. Are you a big Beowolf fan?

Hehe. Of course I am! You're also free to take any creative liberties you wish with her. To me, she's a matronly, old, tatterwinged dragoness. To you, she might be your grandma who happens to smell like Mrs. Butterworth's pancake syrup, LOL. :D

Wondering if you'd be willing to loan Madre out?? Love your stories.

When are YOU going to come visit US? LOL.

I love pennies!<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, the bidding on my daughter has closed. And I have more money than you. So :P, lol...<br />
<br />
When are you going to come visit us????

I have... $30 in quarters... And a $20 bill. <br />
<br />
Oooh. And I'll also throw in the pennies I found in my car!

Hmm. I need some moneys. What you offer? ;)

Alex has problems? Naw. He's just as perfect as Sasha, Vince, or Cade are. ;)<br />
<br />
See, the problem isn't that I *want* a baby girl... Its *getting* one that's an issue, LOL. Where do they sell 'em? :P

Yeah? You think so? Maybe you should babysit Sasha for a couple of days. She's much more of a handful than Alex, which is almost painful to say given the problems he's got... ;)

I do, I DOOOO vant to 'ave a beeebeee grrrrllll!

O.O Hmmm. That's fascinating... :P Maybe you want to have a baby girl? ;)

*Shrug*<br />
<br />
It could be worse? Lately, I've been having dreams that I gave birth to a lacey, ribbons and bows, pink dress-ed, porcelain doll. 0.0 Perhaps we'll approach that topic next time.

I shot him at the very end of the one right before the one you read, most likely. It was symbolic for me, I pictured Zach as Dr. Nobody, only instead of Zach shooting himself, I shot him instead. Man, have I got issues or what?! :P

I read the one AFTER you shot him. But I tried to find the one where you DID shoot him, and couldn't. Maybe I'm just blind? LOL

Yeah, well. Did you read the one where I shot Dr. Nobody? That was a bad day. I wish I still had the posts from the original Dr. Nobody group on MySpace... :(

Thanks, luvie. I appreciate the compliment... :D<br />
<br />
Just wait until next time... It could be worse than this first 'session', LOL

You've got such a way with words, dear... Don't stop writing. It's like cheap therapy. And Lord knows we need it! lol And rest assured, this group is generally avoided like the plague by most EPers. :P