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He's Gone...

Madre curls 'round Elwing, as the 'goyle leans against her dragon counterpart, sighing softly. Teardrops stream down the poor 'goyle's face, and she can't help but hiccup and sob softly, sniffling.

He's gone. There's no more pain... No more cancer, no more suffering, no more draining ear and abscess, no more tumor... But I hate myself for it. Part of me can't help but worry that I had him euthanized for my benefit, rather than for his. It was so awful, the way he'd freak out when I tried to clean his abscess, and how the last week or so he was actually, for the first time, trying to bite me, 'cause it hurt. He'd twitch and writhe once I set him down, afterwards, as if he were having some sort of seizure, and there were a couple of times where I couldn't help but almost beg and plead with God, please let him die right now. I couldn't stand seeing him that way... My poor Deucalion, reduced to that. 

Madre merely sighs, whuffing out a puff of warm air against Elwing's face, as if indicating the 'goyle should continue. 

My darling boy is gone... And I couldn't even take him to an exotics specialist. I feel terrible... They wouldn't let me be in the room when they gave him the shot, but they let me come in afterwards. Such a tiny little body... He was still warm when I stroked him, still and no longer my bouncy, cuddly little boy... Bald spots on the sides of his neck, the huge gaping abscessed tumor on one side. His little tiny 'hands', with a few missing fingers from fights with his ol' cagemate, Ichabod (Who passed away a few months ago.) whom I eventually separated him from. His tattered tail, his poor back end... He couldn't use his hind legs anymore, poor sweety. As ugly as he was, he was beautiful, and never will I remember him as anything less. 

I miss him so much... Its difficult. I don't have any rats in the house, now. I keep looking into the empty cages, expecting *something* to be in there, and there's not anything there. 

http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/rainbowb.htm

Elwing strokes Madre's head, still sobbing quietly. She doesn't know what else to do... Whispering, the 'goyle says, "Thanks for listening."

Elwing Elwing 26-30, F 2 Responses Dec 19, 2008

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I am so sorry. You almost made me cry. Really good to read and thankyou!

Such a touching story. I can empathize - I had to do this for my pet. He's in my picture albums on my page. I'm glad you know about Rainbow Bridge. That gave me so much comfort but the grief was still there. Our furkids are so important to us. May your heart be healed soon. With Love, Mox