Dancing EvergreenI checked the number on the incoming call vibrating in my hand. It was a call I was required, by law, to answer twenty-four hours a day seven days a week.
I practice walking meditation and breathing exercises around an old historic State Penitentiary long since closed and turned into a wildlife and nature reserve.
I enjoy the smell of evergreen trees as I practice awareness.
I was focused on the sensation of evergreen dancing on my senses when I accepted the vibrating interruption. I said “hello” to my probation officer. He called to tell me my request for early release from supervised probation was approved.
There was a time when this would have been a big moment in my recovery process. I felt that while on probation, and subject to random testing, the decision to remain sober did not belong to me. I would have to wait for probation to end to regain power over my life decisions.
Through continued growth, understanding and spirituality I had since changed my point of view.
I began to see that remaining sober to satisfy probation requirements was like sitting in a row boat or standing on the shore to avoid the waters. These are not effective, eventually the tide comes ashore or waves come crashing in over our heads. To be successful we must get in the boat, grab the oars and row toward a destination.
I said “goodbye” and “thanks” to my probation officer and continued with my breathing exercises.
The essence of evergreen once again fills my being.
During my “in breath” I am aware of the irony in standing outside the old State Penitentiary while receiving this news. I am also aware that for my next DUI I will be standing inside the new State Penitentiary.
During my “outbreath” I am equally aware of a little tree leaning toward an open patch of sky.
I smile to the little evergreen.
gsparky22 41-45, M 0 Nov 5, 2012