A Friend Who Never Really Was

When I first moved here, I met a few new people and became school-friends with them. Some grew to become more than just school friends; we had sleepovers and went to hockey games together. One girl I met seemed like such a nice optimistic person, and she still is, just without me.

She's always had a problem with concentrating on one friend at a time. I'd be having a conversation with her and she'd see her other friend and immediately excuse herself and run over to them. It hurt, but I told myself that maybe they hadn't seen each other in awhile, even though inside, I knew that they'd just talked yesterday.

We've grown further and further apart recently, she never talks to me in class anymore and stopped sitting with me on the bus. I noticed this immediately and asked her about it, but she said she's just busy with other people and brushed it off, and I felt like crying. I didn't know what I'd done to make her so..... distant.

I just found out today, through a mutual friend, that she believes I'm extremely negative about life and she doesn't want to hang out with our group anymore because of it. I've yet to confirm this statement, but I know this friendship won't be the same again, even if we try to repair it. I feel like someone took a part of me away and I don't really understand this feeling since we were never that close. I just wish she had the guts to actually say it to my face instead of behind my back, I think that might have hurt less.

I do know I'm pretty negative about life in general, my parents and brother are my main subject on how much life sucks. The thing is, no one knows exactly what I've been through and they will NEVER understand how it feels to be me, no matter how much they may try. I wish my.... friends would realize that. I've been trying for awhile to stop being such a downer, but it's really difficult to stop when it's a subconscious habit.

I wish I could express to this friend how much they've hurt me with her actions instead of just telling me what was wrong, but she will never know. I doubt she's going to sit with me on the bus tomorrow, I doubt that she's going to talk to me in Social Studies tomorrow or even in the hallways, I doubt that it will even occur to her that she just lost a friend. That I just lost a friend.
alygal1331 alygal1331
18-21, F
1 Response Sep 25, 2012

It must be a bad feeling to hear that someone you consider a friend thinks of you as a negative presence. I guess it's best to know she feels that way now before you found yourself even more attached to her. Good luck to you. :)

Thanks! :) I'm getting through it and I have other friends at least.