It's The Deepest, Most Quiet Sadness I Have Ever Knownit's the first time someone dear to me has died.
He's been there all my life. I suppose part of me felt like he was immortal.
I almost can't believe he's not there anymore. So many plans which suddenly cannot be achieved anymore. Promises on both parts, now impossible to keep. I don't miss him so intensely that I feel like crying my eyes out (though sometimes I do). But ... I miss him every day.
It's like my life is a movie and my bereavement, the background music that never stops. Occasionally the actors' voices (including my own) become so loud, that one might think the pain isn't so present anymore.
But it is. It always is and a part of myself will always be missing.