How Stupid Am I?

I was trying to get over one of my ex's ex's...I felt really left out..all his friends talked about his ex and she had been passed around sexually with all of his friends. But she had moved out of state but still visited. I was so jealous and insecure...but tried to keep it bottled up because I wanted him to love me.
Then he asked me to move in with him..actually into a room in this "house" where all his friends lived. I was so excited. Then two weeks later he told me that one of the female friends in the group (the girlfriend of his best friend who lived there) and he had slept together and wanted me to know before I found out from someone else and that it wasn't fair that I had been walking around with everyone knowing but not me.
I lost it. I made some nasty comment about wanting all of his ***** under one roof and said I would never move in...By the way, at one point he said when talking about his first love...another completely different girl, that she was the one I should be worried about (then he thought of what he said and said, not worry but that she was the one he had really cared about) and he couldn't understand why I was jealous of those girls but ok with the one he was serious about.
He cried when he told me about the ex that still lived in the house, and said Go ahead just leave, I feel judged.
I stayed, but spent months in counseling trying to get over this...and we wound up in our respective apartments...I finally did come to terms and actually invited this woman to a party...and he seemed happy about that...but then later when explaining why we would never live together that I had had my chance and I shouldn't have to "try" to get over the jealousy..
Now also know that he forgot my birthday, didn't get me anything for valentines...sometimes introduced me as his friend even though we had been going out for over a year...and turned me down for sex often..(.we were in our mid twenties..)
So I didn't feel that secure anyway...but his tears and the fact that he said he felt judged and victimized by my reaction...that I had had my chance to live with him..and that after all this work to get over ex's was for nothing...he couldn't trust me not to revert back...and I never did anything other than say I didn't want to be socially involved with them...and used to listen to him go on about the woman who broke his heart and how he wanted to marry her.
So listen...I blamed myself forever...that my issues drove him away. But there is a reason an ex is an ex. I never bring up my ex''s to my husband because I know that is horrible to do to someone...and I love him and would never do anything to hurt him. If he told me that it made him uncomfortable....I would respect that...granted, I shouldn't have said those things to my ex...but the whole situation was an incestuous pit...and I didn't want to be in it...and I lost him. But I tried and it sounds like you did too.
GET OUT...She is hurting you.

Watch your mind and try and stay apart (in I AM) as these thoughts turn up (maybe this is too late a comment to be relevant?). I know it is really hard to do as emotions (as Gurdjieff says) are faster than thoughts.

She's playing with you....who wants to SEE the ex, except if its to sort out something to do with their children.



And then it's not a date, and if possible takes place over the phone

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