....and Deny It

I don't like to post how I'm feeling on EP. I feel it's whiny, needy, a cry for help.

Yet, when I see others' feelings, I don't think of them as whiny, needy people. I send a gesture, a gift, a little something just to let them know they are not alone.

I never thought I was guarded, but some things have happened recently to make me take a look at myself a little more deeply.

I frequently say I'm fine, even when I'm not. I rarely ask for help, even if I really need it. I'll compromise my own feelings to make someone else feel better.

I just keep it in.

But I never realized I was doing it. I was raised in a family where being sensitive was not allowed. "You're fine, stop crying, suck it up!" So that's what I do, almost by instinct.

I'm not saying all this because I'm sad or unhappy right now. Life is good. It's just something I'm becoming more aware of in myself. Maybe that awareness will help me to let my guard down a bit, and learn to accept some help and support when I need it.
deleted deleted
26-30
8 Responses Jul 13, 2010

Soft is nice... means we can all cuddle...

Love vulnerability... shows who we really are... but only amongst us... mortals on the other world would take advantage... and so we become guarded... but here... let them try... and I'll give them that violence they are soooooo craving for... hehe...<br />
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Faeries protect friends... *practices whacking*...<br />
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Maybe I should really change my avatar again...

EP offers the freedom, if you're willing, to let your guard down. I have shared things here that I could not do in RL. I don't think it is bad to show that I am human and therefore vulnerable. I don't see vulnerability as a sign of weakness either.

Was I just been identified as violent?<br />
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This is sooooo cool... and I don't even have my badass faerie avatar... and not even giving any whacks...

ohh taken .. I felt the same way in the beginning , but then I opened up told a bit of my story and thought people would see me as a total weakling .. but they didnt at all....and the more I opened up the better I felt ...this is the best thing about EP...we are all here for one reason or another ... so we all are here to support each other ... <br />
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and ditto with what Sylph says ... *hugs taken tight *

Aah. Yes. I think I have read this from almost everyone in my circle at one time or another. We open up, and hate how we feel. But the support, as Destry says...it's addictive. So many of the ones who I've seen post here..are the rock. And we can't show the vulnerability in RL a lot of the time. But no. I have never felt that anyone in my circle was being whiny. And have very often felt that I myself was. <br />
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It's a step of trust in the people here. That they understand the need to be held when we're hurting. And if we're lucky, we get to hold them in return. We're all missing something here. And freely giving and receiving...that support is what EP is about to me.

*Sylph throws rocks at Gee and Dean*<br />
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Stop it... there is nothing wrong being weak at times... it only shows you to be real and not just a "rock". You both are more than this. Keeping in the emotions and guess what happens to the rock... all that build up and it can explode... disintegrate... now who do we run to when you both go kaput?!<br />
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Taken, hun... "fine" is never a feeling... faeries don't believe in it... only shows you are hiding something you are not ready to show or say... but it is good that you have come to realize this... baby steps... and soon you can be in touch with your inner self and explore your emotions. I'm not saying I'm a pro... heck, I'm a mess... but we all hang on to each other... clinging... because as far as I know, I have never been in touch with myself until I came here and met you all...<br />
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*group hug*...

We all are whiny sometimes, I didn't know it was bad