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I Am Guilty For a Lot of Reasons

Graduating Or Maybe Not

By: ashleybrowneyes
Written on March 21st, 2011
I'm a 4th year graduating student(not really sure if I will be able to graduate now), my depression started when I was in 3rd year  since I really really don't want to be a nursing student but my parents want me to. I started to absent and after a while when my groupmates started to call my house , I told my mom about me being absent. And of course she got mad and told me that she wasn't the only one who consented but me as well. It hurt that she told me that since during the start of 3rd year I already wanted to shift courses but she wouldn't listen. The day that I was supposed to return to school I drank a bottle of cough syrup to make me really sick (I know it's stupid). After that I've been having this dreams and daydreams where I kill myself and everytime I'm about to go to the hospital I have this crying spells.
Now that I'm about to graduate I still have to catch up on my duties and I know that I won't be able to finish them for graduation, and I haven't told my parents yet that I may not be marching this April and now the dean is calling my house. And I'm all alone in the house right now and I'm really really scared. And I feel guilty and depressed and in a panic and I don't know what I might do. Please someone tell me what to do.
By: ashleybrowneyes
Age: 18-21
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    falling321
    falling321

    i know exactly how you feel!! i'm also in 4th year, and im also supposed to be finishing in april, but im also experiencing depression and just cant do it! i'm failing and i know i have to drop out or defer or something but its so crazy! only a few weeks left but i cant do it. i also just keep having suicidal thoughts and get stuck in my bed all day not being able to do anything. it's awful!! but in advice, ur only human. we can only do what we can do. so dont feel guilty (haha easier said than done i know!) but depression is a real thing and it's not just something you can snap out of it. i dont know your parents at all but perhaps if you explain to them how you're feeling and how the whole thing is making you want to kill yourself...they might prefer to have you alive and not a nurse but something else. if there's anything more i can do let me know! i can most definitely commiserate with you that is for sure.

    Mar 22, 2011
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