It's A Hard Habit To Break

Guilt can be so debilitating, especially when you hide it and let it fester. I took responsibility for so many things in my relationships that I didn't own, and the guilt that it created was overwhelming. guilt kept me trapped in a marriage where I felt like I was never good enough. My ex-wife like it that way, always upping her demands until i was bankrupt,emotionally and financially.

After I was divorced I thought I was so smart, I'd never make that mistake again. But, haha, easier said than done. It was such an ingrained habit, that even in my next relationship, with a woman who couldn't be more different (and better) than my ex, I was always terrified of offending her, of failing her in some way. Even the most simple things, like running out of fresh fruit for her lunch would make me feel terrible, like I was a bad person.

What was my solution? Talk! I had a helpful partner, a wonderful girlfriend that was willing to listen. Once I realized I could share and talk with her about most things, it turned my life upside down - in a good way. Well, I admit that my mind still goes there even though I realize it's silly. But now I can talk back to the guilt. And I can ask my girlfriend how she feels instead of assuming she's mad at me. Because, guess what? Ninety-nine times out of 100, she's not.

The relief is palpable and the feeling of freedom from all of the assumed guilt is amazing. It's changed who I am in so many ways. I'm not afraid anymore because I don't feel like EVERYTHING is my fault.

And for those things that were a little too much for my girlfriend to handle (that's another story, see my profile) I found EP. Use it, practice here, and it bounces back into everyday life.

76starships 76starships
41-45, M
1 Response Dec 10, 2012

I've struggled my whole life with guilt too. I'd like to think, at this point in my life, that I have a pretty good handle on it (finally). But it still lurks there, waiting to haunt me again. I will never be entirely free of it's burden, but knowing it's there, and knowing that it is EVIL, help me to keep it under control.