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The ''stupidest Mistake'' I've Ever Done.my True Story..

Hi,am 20 this year 2010.
I have a great family and a loving boyfriend which we had been datin for almost 3 years plus[2007 sep - ] and is still going on.
I must say am a very sweet and lovely girl.I had the innocent face and I had a group of winderful girlfriends. During the July I had an abortion.That was the first mistake that I even made sleeping with another guy and he made me pregnant. Without knowing if the child is belongs to my boyfriend or my affair. I decided to abort it.with the help of my friends accompanying me.I did told my boyfriend that the baby is ''his'' but in fact deep inside my heart I felt that the baby wasn't his at all.That moment my boyfriend was crying to me saying I ''murdered his child''. Anyway,while,I was doing my check up at the clinic before abortion. The doctor said that maybe my child was dead because It's not growing at all.Without thinking twice I did the mini operation as expected. Worst still after the operation the doctor claim that it is not a baby instead he suspect that my baby was born outside my womb which can be very dangerous.I went for a check up at a hospital and I pray to God.My mom was beside me at the moment.Finally,the result came and it said I was safe. Thanks God for answering my prayer.I will keep you guys update about my result real soon!

Right after one month for not having sex with my boyfriend.We did on the septemeber 2010. But once again I did another serious mistake again.I met this guy '' Danniel'' at a night club. He is married and even have a wife.He gave me his number.The orginal number which his wife will called him always. He even warmed me not to call him unnessary.Due to his wife will check on his phone. He offered me 800bucks to sleep with him [Mid-semptber] .I asked Lord for advice God asked me not to do it but Due to my stupid temtation.I answered the devil call. I did it. After the intercourse which had past around 1-2weeks I called him as I felt insecure out of nowhere.I asked him ''Do you have HIV/ADIS?''. He reply in a tone ''CRAZY'' followed by ''DOn't Have''. I was seriously quite relief at the moment. He evn asked me to introduce some of my hand on events to him as two of his friends wanted to join modelling. [I am not a model,I am an event managment] During first week of Oct I message him about this particular roadshow coming up. He did reply me and even said ''Thank you,next time got any upcoming event just update him throught the other number''.So this is when I got his second number. Last week [3rd week of OCT] I felt insecure again out of nowhere.I tried message throught his second number he did not reply so I waited for the next day I message him throught his orginal number this time.Still no respond so I started to spam messages [2-3messages].Still no reply.Therefore I decided to call him up.To my shock and surprised he''SWITCH OFF'' both of his phone.

I seek advice from a friend of mine.She told me that in order to cancel the line it takes 3 working months,Therefore,it's unreachable.Okay,From the moment I knew I was in a ''DEEP ****!''. I cried myself everyday.Thinking ''Why was to be me?''.I felt so down to the deep.I fear I may have spread to my boyfriend which I hope it doesn't I pray to God almost everyday.But God talks to me throught the bible. He respond to me saying ''He will ignore me and let me have the punishment so that I will not humilate him anymore''. My only hope was God but right now even the last hope was gone.I got no choioce but myself.I regret for no listening to God's word.So people Please listen to God for he will not hurt you instead he protect you.

I started browsing through net and doing more research. I have a dream is to have a family but it seems crashed.Can a HIV postive get pregnant?and am still young but I only have afew years to live.I tried asking my boyfreind for a baby because I fear that once the virus attacked me I won't be able to have a child anymore even though I had a child it will be infected.But my boyfriend said he just started his career and asked me to wait for 2-3years before planning to have a child.Till now I hasn't told him about this stiution at all. I really wanteed a family so badly. But how could I voice out?Me too just started my this new job not long ago. About a month? Each time I face my boyfriend I felt guiltness in me and I felt disgrace to my family.

I tried to listen to chirstian sound and read bible.I became a Chirstian after my abortion.Therefore,am a new born child of Chirst. I used to be buddistism but not anymore.I know it's a strong Sin to worshipping others idol.But I was so desperate that I seek a medium (Supernatural) He told me that I will only die at the age of 65 or 85 years old.But to me I think this is all ''Bullshit'' am just trying to decieved myself from reality.I blame no one but myself. yES i KNOW.Never made the same mistake as me.For now.I just hope that my boyfriend is not infected as well as my family members. I tried to plan for my future now.

I tried to buy insurance for myself and my boyfriend.But it required us to do a HIV blood test first in ordered to allow us to have the insurance activated.I don't know how to voice out to my boyfriend.I can get his identify card to buy the insurance but what about the blood test?I so fear that It will come out postive.I really do love my boyftriend and I want to protect him so that next time he can be able to marry another girl. I prayed to God the second time and he responded to me. ''The same thing happened,God say I deserve or want me to accept my punishment.'' Sometimes I really do hope that if karma really exist and it did come to me. I would want to suffered in hell rather than now.But I know it is all destiny and God's plan.I've been reading stories of the HIV postive but nothing similar to what I encounter now.Therefore,I shared my stories and confessed it all here.

I will be doing my blood test at the end of the year december 2010.Pray for me and wish me to be safe. The fear inside me was unbearable. Morever dec is my birthday. it's a matter of life and death. I gonna be strong . Noone is there to help me. My future is just gone''poof'' like this.Sometimes I really hate the guy Danniel so MUCH TO HELL!!!!. But as a Christian we must forgive and it's not fully his fault.I need advice.Do you think I have aids/HIV? Till now the guy is still uncontactable.
hopefullyloveGod hopefullyloveGod 18-21, F 8 Responses Oct 26, 2010

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omg you're dumb.

omg,ur an didot.i hope your boyfriend leaves you and find someone else worthy and who wont chat on him and his health in danger.go get tested you *****

You really should learn how to spell & write in your spare time instead of cheating on your boyfriend. Use protection & stop listening to your friends. Don't do anything that will put u at risk knowing your jeopardizing someone elses health at the same time. Get tested & remain faithful because it seems you have a loving & caring boyfriend.

God does not turn his face from us when we are in need. Consider this sc<x>ripture (Hebrews 4:16)<br />
"So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most."<br />
If we all listened to him and were in his will at all times, what would be the need for such a dramatic act of love like on the cross? We ALLL fall short. That is more reason to rejoice. Those who see no need for his grace have not seen him.<br />
And another reason to stop beating up on yourself:<br />
He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. <br />
1 Peter 2:24<br />
Self condemnation is worthless. Only he can condemn, but he instead chose to take our punishment upon his back and to forgive.<br />
Furthermore....you most likely don't have HIV, I would be more concerned about getting check for more common and easily transmissible (and treatable) STDs if I were you..

i'm sorry for your situation...but i gotta agree with hippiekitten...ur being selfish at the moment...if u love him so much, then why go cheat on him twice? and not even tell him...i guess if both of your love is true and solid....he wont leave you after you tell him the truth....but he does deserve to know the truth from YOU.....no matter how much u love him, u dont have the right to endanger someones life..im sure God wouldnt want you to infect ur bf, if u are HIV positive.....<br />
wish u best of luck...<br />
take care....<br />
and stay on Gods path, we all make mistakes...but we r stronger after we learn from our mistakes..

Am doing my blood test next week. But I know it won't be accurate but just want a peace of mind. Yesterday I did intended to break up with him. But he seems to love me alot AND I could not control my emotion I don't want to be selfish. I don't want to hurt him as well but he's work hard now for our future. I don't know what to do. Can anyone please advice me.should I really have to leave him?Yes I do love my boyfriend alot. More than words but I admit I did sinful stuff. Am a mouse that always will go back to the cheese no matter what.

well hippiekitten has said it all. just get tested and please dont let the insurance people tell u you have hiv as that wil knock u down badly coz u did not take the test willingly. even hiv+ people have thier own insurances which they can take eventhough they have limited benefits. dont blame yourself for nothing bkos u dont know yo status yet, sum lucky ones do hve sex wth hiv+ people bt never get infected.. it seems u dont love your boyfriend so why not set him free?

Breathe. It sounds like you're freaking out and you haven't even been tested yet. Everybody makes mistakes. Stop beating yourself up. You should either break up with your boyfriend or tell him that you cheated on him. <br />
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If you want to stay with him, he deserves to know that you are unfaithful. That way he can decide if he wants to continue risking his health with you. It would be extremely selfish of you to have sex with your boyfriend without telling him what you did. If you don't want to tell him, tell him that you want to spend a few months apart. That will give you time to be tested again.<br />
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To try to have a baby with your boyfriend and risk him getting infected is selfish. Do no do that. You can be better than that. Do better. I wish you the best.