I Feel Like Im Carrying It Too....

Ok, my name is Gilbert, I don't have HIV but the man I fell in love with almost 2 years ago does, we found out at a visit to the hospital, edwin, that's his name, was very sick. Turns out he's had hiv since before we met, I can guess that much because of how advanced the disease was, his t cells are in the 300's and viral load like 40,000. Its been about 2 months now since his diagnosis and he's on atripla... He's better health wise but this has been so stressful for him and I'm realizing for me too, I try my hardest to keep a strong facade for him because he needs someone and I love him too much to worry him about my own fears... Before I met edwin I was, for lack of a better phrase, a drug addict, something about him though made me change, and I quit, now I find myself popping vicodins for no reason and I just recently bought a sack of weed to calm myself and to sleep. Last weekend I drank so much I threw up and I don't even like drinking to be honest. I wish things would just go back to normal, he's the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and now I feel like he doesn't see that happening anymore. There are days like today where everything seems normal again and he's happy but then night rolls around and he falls fear to the medication he has to take and th nightmares he knows comeswith it.... I need somewhere to vent and well, edwin doesn't like these sort of things but I thought I should give it a shot because I need to be strong for him, just at least until the side effects of his meds start to dissipate and his levels of happiness return to normal, he's had sister who committed suicide and I fear the same fate for him. Can anybody give me some advice or hope that it will get better? Thank you Id really appreciate it. It didn't help to find out that I wasn't infected, edwin is so naive which is endearing, he didn't deserve this, and to know that after this whole time I didn't get it is a miracle but I'm sure it was really hard on him and he probably feels really alone... = ( any advice would be great. Thank you.
gaaguilar gaaguilar
18-21, M
2 Responses May 14, 2012

Hi Gilbert, I hope things are better now, but i wanted to share with you my best friend´s story. It's in my latest post: My Hero. It's related, and might be helpful. All the best!

I have heard that there is a very small number of guys can carry the HIV virus, be lethally dangerous to other people, but not be ill themselves -- rather like a "carrier" of Hepatitis, who infects others but is healthy himself. Just a thought.<br />
About the situation with your partner, I don't believe there is a simple answer. You need to be very strong -- much stronger than he is, so that you can offer the support and loving care that he needs. I know somebody in Edinburgh who has been on meds since 1985. He was up and down at first, but he is fairly stable now and still with us, and pretty healthy, all things considered.<br />
I tried to add you to my circle, but the system does not allow it.

I know what you refer to as the carrier, there's like 2 percent of the worlds population that is immune to the virus, they can carry the virus without it doing any damage to their immune system do to the lack of an enzyme in the tcell, but that's only actually found in europe since they believe the immunity came from people who survived the plague in the dark ages.

Thank you for your post, I do appreciate your words, I guess I know that this is going to be difficult but its nice to have some support, = P ill add you to my circle