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Found Out I Am Hiv Positive And I Do Not How To Break The News

I stumbled across this site/group and I am glad I did because its made me realize that my situation is far from unique.
Until May/June last year I was drinking heavily and progressively drinking more as time went by. One of the times I was on a bender I met a woman in a bar who agreed to go home with me when we got home I vaguely remember me saying I had some condoms around but she was all over me and she said she was OK and she couldn't wait to get it on etc etc. Horny and drunk as I was I promptly forgot about looking for the condoms and went on to have unprotected sex with her.

The above incident and a few other disasters that were going on in my life led me to make the decision to stop drinking and get my act together. At the back of my mind I kept thinking about the incident with the lady and after 2 months I went to get checked and I was found HIV negative. I was obviously happy and I told myself that I had dodged the bullet and I would now go on with rehabilitating myself. However the nagging feeling never went away so just over a month ago I decided to get checked again and this time I was found HIV positive. The weird thing is that I never reacted the way I expected most people would on receiving such news. I never cried, fainted, shouted angrily, prayed etc. I just kept nodding at the counselor and I have a feeling he thought I was not quite listening.

I was listening and in many ways I had subconsciously been preparing myself for that moment because every time I played the events of that fateful night over in my head it became clearer that the woman I slept with knew she was positive and she deliberately discouraged me from using condoms.

Its just over a month since I was tested and found to have a CD4 count if 709, which I have found out is OK. I havent fallen off the wagon and I even quit smoking (anything to help the immunity) I now spend most of my time on the net trying to get as much information as I can to prepare myself for the inevitable day I will have to start the treatment.

But one of the hardest things for me now is wanting to share with someone but I cannot. I havent told anybody and I go around feeling I am living some kind of double life. I would rather I didnt have to tell anyone because I do not think I can handle the inevitable stigma that will follow. I cannot start a relationship with anyone because I would inevitably have to talk about my status. Every cough, itch, bump, headache now gets me into panic mode. I feel I owe it to my family (mum and siblings) at least to tell them since they are the ones I am likely to turn to if I ever took a turn for the worse. But I have just started to gain their trust and pride after getting off the booze. I am so afraid that this news would make them very disappointed in me all over again. How and when should I break it to them?

This is the first time I am sharing so you guys will forgive me if I have gone on forever but I just felt I had to share with people who would understand. Thanks
hommenoir hommenoir 31-35, M 6 Responses May 15, 2012

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I was been suffering hardship from HIV/AIDS since 9yrs now, and i happen to have 2 kids for my husband, and now we cannot proceed to have another kids all because of my disease and now i have do all what a human like i and my husband can do just to get my disease healed, i have went to several places to seek for help not even one person could ever help, until i melt a comment on the daily news paper that was commented by Miss Marilyn about how this powerful traditional doctor help her get cured of the disease (HIV-AIDS) " my fellow beloved" i firstly taught having a help from a spiritual traditional healer was a wrong idea, but i think of these, will i continue to stress on these disease all day when i have someone to help me save my life?" so i gather all my faiths and put in all interest to contact him through his Email address at ugbakhuanspelltemple@gmail.com , so after i have mailed him of helping get my disease cured, i respond to me fast as possible that i should not be afraid, that he is a truthful and powerful doctor which i firstly claimed him to be. So after all set has been done, he promise me that i will be healed but on a condition that i provide him some items and obeyed all his oracle said. I did all by accepting his oracle fact and only to see that the following week Dr Ugbakhuan mail me on my mail box that my work is successfully done with his powers, i was first shocked and later arise to be the happiest woman on earth after i have concluded my final test on the hospital by my doctor that i am now HIV- Negative. My papers for check are with me and now i am happy and glad for his miraculous help and power.
With these i must to everyone who might seek for any help, either for HIV cure or much more to contact him now at these following email now,
Email: ugbakhuanspelltemple@gmail.com
" sir thank you so much for your immediate cure of my disease, i must say for curing my disease, i owe you in return. Thanks and be blessed sir.
My name is jane wembli
His Email address is:
ugbakhuanspelltemple@gmail.com

i dont have hiv but i do have hsv and i know what it feels like to be afraid to get into a relationship and eventually have to talk about your situation but there is a website called positivesingles.com where you can meet singles with hiv also. you should check it out.

Hey Hom. Thanks for the encouraging words. I haven't disclosed either so I suppose we are sailing in the same boat. I'm truly appreciative of sites like this where persons are able to freely express themselves without fear of discrimination. It makes this easier to handle. As per your questions, I can't answer them because I too need them answered. I'll keep abreast of your tread so I'll benefit from the good advice as well. All the best to you and keep in touch.

disclosing can b difficult its years nw and upto nw my family doesnt kno;its only my hubby ;;why coz i did test them ''my mom bothers and sisters'' abt hiv and i felt all the discriminatory talk kumin on like bullets <br />
then thot they may not accept me fear of being left out made me do ths,with time mayb i wll diclose.<br />
all m sayin is prepare urself b4 disclosing to any1.<br />
good thing tht u takin gud care of urself ;;luv luv luv

Yes you are so right Coubert there is never a right time, but if you can start with one person that you trust and believe that he/she will never judge you. Your CD4 count is good at this stage if you can concentrate on keeping it at least at that or even higher that by starting eating the right kind of food exercising and living a positive life. Do not dwell on the negative things but always on the positive things. You will need support hence a very close person that you can confide in. We always availble to share and support.

Thanks Mosoeu. Its good to know there is a place I can share. Would you know a website where I could get information on the right kind of stuff to eat. I plan on doing all I can to slow down the progression of this disease I must now deal with.

I can only imagine what you must be going through and going through alone. A close friend of mine tested positive last year and she still hasn't informed her mother of her HIV status. She's also afraid of disappointing her mom. She asked me the same questions... I told her I felt she should tell her family when she was ready, but not wait until things possibly turned for the worse. I don't think there's ever a good time to inform your loved one's of news like this, but you have to be brave and tell them. I'm sure your family loves you with all their hearts. We all make mistakes we're human. This is not something you should have to go through alone.

Thanks for your words of encouragement Coubert. I know I will eventually have to tell my family but I am finding it hard to muster the courage.

I'm sure you'll find the courage. The first step was you sharing your story here. You'll be in my prayers luv. :-)

M in delima too... Jus get results n its positive..evi tym i look at my mom face... Felt wanna cry...