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He Lied About Everything

Well here's a story that I'm not proud of. Im 25 year old woman from Ohio. I was engaged to a guy that would lie and cheat on me constantly. Funny enough this story is by about him. It's about the guy who stole me from him. I met this guy at my old job. He was a distant friend. We didn't know each other that much but we were friends on Facebook and he got me a job after I graduated from college. We became close friends. I told him everything. My fears- irrational fear of blood and what not. He said sweet words, got me to end my engagement and we started seeing each other.

It was weird because I always thought he was gay. The person he had dated before me was a guy. After we started speaking he told me that he had been with women before and he wouldn't be the person he claimed to be if he had not explored every option. He said he tested every year and was "OCD about it"

I learned to trust him and we started having sex. he finally convinced me that he was safe and he was clean and that he hasnt been unprotected since his high school girlfriend and has been tested since... and we had unprotected sex. A lot. And

Things were weird about him. I never saw him on weekends and he would stand me up for my family functions including my sisters wedding. I went to his birthday and all they talked about was what great people he and his apparent ex are.... Oh did I mention they lives together? But apparently it was a roommate thing... then he had the nerve to say he didn't trust me. I was shocked. How can you say you love someone but not believe and trust them?

I finally put two and two together. Even though he kept saying that he was my boyfriend and had been single for 2 years and no one knew about it, I had enough of the drama. We stopped having sex in September 2011 and I had enough.

I was scared thinking to myself, if he could lie about that then he's probably lying about testing. He wouldn't show me any evidence of testing because I should "learn to trust him" yeah if someone tells me without any reason that they don't trust me what makes me think I should trust them?

Since then I've been tested... 7 times I've been. I haven't had sex in almost 8 months. I've been negative thank goodness. My family thinks that I'm fine and my doctor thinks I don't need to test anymore because ive gone over 6 months and everhthing is still negative but I'm terrified. What if I'm infected and don't know about it? I haven't been sick. I've had only a yeast infection but that's because of a hormonal imbalance since I stopped taking the pill. I haven't had any problems and haven't had the flu. But I know you can't base your trust on symptoms when it comes to HIV. I've done 2 blood tests and went to the aids community office of where I live and was tested with oral swabs. All negative.

Since everything he has tried to get me back. He said he went and got tested during a physical to go out of the country for business and it was negative. Since then he told me about his health and that everything was fine with him. I was speaking to him until two weeks ago when I was online and found a website he had created recently with he and his exes initials and the year they started dating. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Everything was right there. I was naive and stupid. I asked myself why he would make such a big effort to break up my engagement and spend almost 8 months trying to get me back when he was still with the guy. He claims that it's OCD and that he has used the same passwords for many years and that I didn't respect OCD.

First of all, this person says I don't understand OCD but constantly made fun of my OCD with blood and not having sex. For him to throw OCD at me and claim that I didn't respect it really set me off. That's when I had enough. OCD or not what kind of person uses a user name of their ex?

I wonder if I should let this go. I haven't been with anyone. I've been too scared, anxious and wondering. Why do people do these things? I know trusting someone like that was a huge mistake. I never should have allowed him to go near me. I made an ultimate mistake and I was naive to think that this person "loved me" science is telling me all my tests are negative and that it's been almost 8 months and it's time to let go. But everything is stopping me.


Does anyone else have this fear or understands? I know it all sounds completely naive and I was. I admit I made a huge mistake to trust this person. I just hope that everything is true and that I can move on
Smiles1210 Smiles1210 22-25, F 3 Responses May 18, 2012

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Thank you DM for you kind words and support. I really apprecaite it. I'm so sorry and saddened to hear your story. I'm glad you took time out to read my post and responded to calm me down. I was thinking about taking another test within a few weeks to put this all behind me. i'm just freaking out because i've read that someone tested + after 6 months. Feels like this scare is taking over my life. I just want to be able to get up in the mornings and not think about this anymore...

Hey there. I'm currently in a similar situation. I received oral from someone who I later found out was HIV +. I've tested out all the way to 6 months, and all 7 tests were negative. I still feel that I'm infected. I'm not sure how accurate the "testing window" is.

Todays testing standards are very, very accurate. I'm sorry to hear that you are worried, and it is totally natural that you are, but if someone is HIV+ but "undetectable" and takes their medication, you stand a far greater chance of escaping infection. It's not an excuse for the blatant omission of his Poz status, but if that was the case you might find some comfort there.

That having been said, if we go about our relationships protecting ourselves accordingly - as if everyone out there has HIV - then it will run it's course and be gone. Unfortunately, that is not the reality and people do not always do what they should.

It's worse when people lie about it. That's how I got it in 1984. My partner told me he was HIV- when he was not, and he did not take medication and did not use protection. I trusted him, and now have to live with the result of that misplaced trust.

He died in April of 1990, and since then I've been through the ringer with this virus but still remain on top of it because I take the medication. Everyone I meet and want an intimate relationship with is told point-blank, right up front, that I'm HIV+ so there can be no misunderstanding about it. My conscience, as well as the law, dictates that I do that and I have no issue with that moral obligation.

Congratulations on dodging the bullet, and please be sure to protect yourself at all times. It's not just a gay disease, and many people who have it still don't know because they don't get tested. One thing to consider might be that if you believe a partner is honest about it, and you want to know for sure before having unprotected sex, is to go to the same doctor at the same time, have the test together, and both go to get the results when they come back. Then you have information with which to make an informed, educated decision.