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4/11/12

That's the day I found out I was HIV+. The night before my Mom called to inform me that I had a letter from the post office that I had to go in and pick up a letter from the blood bank. That letter changed my life. You see, a few weeks prior I had had a job interview and on the way home from it, the local grocery store had a mobile blood bank outside. You donate and you get a 10 dollar gift card and a free shirt. I'd never donated before and didn't think that I was allowed to because I was a gay male. My friend convinced me to do it anyways. I lied on the questionnaire about having sexual relations with the same sex. Donated my blood and left with the gift card. Bought some cigarettes. Didn't think any thing of it and went on about my day. Now back to that day when I received the letter. It said that there was a problem with my recent donation and that I need to call this number and speak with this person. Reading the letter made my heart drop. I knew it was something serious. There are only so many things that could be wrong with blood. The lady told me she couldn't discuss it over the phone and that I needed to meet with her. She wasn't available until that evening, but since it was urgent she said she could have somebody else meet me sooner, and that they were going to be driving to my city from somewhere an hour and a half away. I basically knew what was going on. It was playing out like a movie. I was shaking and crying the whole time. Before I even got there. I take my sister and best friend at the time, with me. Have to wait on the lady to get there. She arrives and takes me into a room. Sits down and pulls out the file. Looks at me and says, "You're HIV+ and it's probably from male to male sex." I didn't even respond. Or show any emotion for a few minutes. I already had been thinking I either had HIV or hepatitis for the past three hours. She then asked if I wanted to tell my sister and friend and had them come in. She told them. 4/11/12 is the saddest day of my life, besides when I was 12 years old and found out that my mother is HIV+. To have something so scary so close and now Im a victim to the same, makes me feel so stupid. I knew the risk and still engaged. I guess it's better that I have my mother there and that she is still alive. But the way things have came full circle are so ******. Im only 21 years old and feel as if my life is ruined. What is the point? I started going to the clinic and received my first month of medication. It's a one pill a day regimen. I got it 2 weeks ago and still have not took the first one. For some reason the thought of taking a pill for the rest of my life is DAUNTING. Im scared I will mess up and not take them right or have serious complications from the pills. Im just still very confused about this all even though it's pretty clear what I have to do. Im just so unwilling to go this route with my life and Im scared. My mother doesn't even know how to help me through this. She says it's up to me if I do treatment or not. I have so many concerns and don't feel as if the doctor Im seeing has given me enough information about what's going on in my body or the effects the medicine could really have. I have a lot to figure out. It's only been a few months. My thoughts and emotions are very contradictory at the moment. We shall see...
poziam poziam 18-21, M 1 Response Jun 21, 2012

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Hey!I'm sorry about your ordeal.I found out last year that i was +.It was also a shock but there was nothing i could do.I came to understand that there's life after hiv.Being hiv + is not the end of world,just a certain change in one's life.Just be strong and positive about life,and things will be easy,you'll see.Goodluck!