This Has Been A Tough Week

I was diagnosed 4 days before 9/11 which with that tragedy saved me from going insane seeing the country mourn for those killed by terrorist. Sadly enough it gave me something else to concentrate of other than my bad news. After the news went away I was left to focus on me and what I was going to now do. I also was dealing with a prior diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis 1 year before my HIV news. Prior to this I was always proud of my every 6 month negative test results and posted them up like a newly minted poster. After my M.S. diagnosis I figured I would probably be alone knowing what this disease does to many people and the burden it brings. I could still walk and function as normal but runnning and jogging were a thing of the past. However I did meet someone who accepted me and we started a serious relationship. We always practiced safe sex except ONE time when we went away out of town and drank and partied a bit too much and the guard came down. I still went about my life along with my usual yearly test to again be proud of my test results. This time was not such. My results came back Positive which was 4 days before 9/11 which happened to be my partners birthday. I cared so much for them I dare not spoil their birthday. The next day came and I had to tell them. Their resoponse was there is something I have to tell you. They had been HIV+ for 17 years and never admitted to me even when we discussed health and my M.S. when we first met. I was floored. After picking myself up and coming to grips we decided to stay together and work thru this only to be dumped 2 months later! I guess it was because I took the road to see the dr and stay on my medication with great results which they never did nor accept. I went years thinking this was the end of life. I turned to drugs to cope and almost lost everything I worked for. I somehow realized this was not the way to go and after cleaning up my life I met a great person who I have been with for the past 7 years who is also HIV+. Unfortunately with both diseases comes the depression which sends me to down a dark lonely road. I had to quit working due to the symptoms and side effects of both diseases. I sit home bored and lonely and get so depressed that suicide is a regular thought. Fatigue makes life a b***h where I cannot do much but exist. My once circle of friends have become non-existant because I cannot participate in the activities I was invited to where now I am not even thought about since the answer will be thanks, but I don't have the strength. I am thankful for my patient partner but my once vibrant active life is reduced to nothing. I would love to volunteer or something to get out and be a part of society but my lack of energy and leg strength makes is hard to commit. I am here today in a dark depressed place where thoughts of suicide plague almost every thought...if anyone has any suggestions I am open to most anything. I don't really want to die but my life has become nothing more than taking up space and watching mindless crap on TV. I once had a great job and life....I am thankful for my partner but I want something more and am lost of where to turn....thanks for reading and appreciate any ideas especially during these bleak depressed times where I cannot find a way to pull myself out of it....
ymmit ymmit
46-50
2 Responses Sep 18, 2012

I was been suffering hardship from HIV/AIDS since 9yrs now, and i happen to have 2 kids for my husband, and now we cannot proceed to have another kids all because of my disease and now i have do all what a human like i and my husband can do just to get my disease healed, i have went to several places to seek for help not even one person could ever help, until i melt a comment on the daily news paper that was commented by Miss Marilyn about how this powerful traditional doctor help her get cured of the disease (HIV-AIDS) " my fellow beloved" i firstly taught having a help from a spiritual traditional healer was a wrong idea, but i think of these, will i continue to stress on these disease all day when i have someone to help me save my life?" so i gather all my faiths and put in all interest to contact him through his Email address at ugbakhuanspelltemple@gmail.com , so after i have mailed him of helping get my disease cured, i respond to me fast as possible that i should not be afraid, that he is a truthful and powerful doctor which i firstly claimed him to be. So after all set has been done, he promise me that i will be healed but on a condition that i provide him some items and obeyed all his oracle said. I did all by accepting his oracle fact and only to see that the following week Dr Ugbakhuan mail me on my mail box that my work is successfully done with his powers, i was first shocked and later arise to be the happiest woman on earth after i have concluded my final test on the hospital by my doctor that i am now HIV- Negative. My papers for check are with me and now i am happy and glad for his miraculous help and power.
With these i must to everyone who might seek for any help, either for HIV cure or much more to contact him now at these following email now,
Email: ugbakhuanspelltemple@gmail.com
" sir thank you so much for your immediate cure of my disease, i must say for curing my disease, i owe you in return. Thanks and be blessed sir.
My name is jane wembli
His Email address is:
ugbakhuanspelltemple@gmail.com

Im so sorry for what you are going through.I wish i had something to suggest just to put you in prayers.You can turn to God,He will give you the strength you need and peace.Stay strong and positive.One day at a time,you will get to a better place.I wish you all the best.

Thank you very much for the support and kind words. I have turned to God with the help of my in-laws and things have gotten a bit better. The holidays are hard but with a positive attitude I plan on making it thru and pray for a better new year. Like you said its one day at a time which I am trying to be patient and do. Thank you so much for the response. It really made my day!
God bless you!