I M Scared To Go For Hiv Test

I recently found out that the girl I thought she is the one for me tested HIV+ and she knew before we met and we had unprotected sex from 10 October 2012 till 13 December 2012. Now I m scared to go on my own to test. She went to test without my knowledge and she threw the results in a bin unfortunately I also threw airtime voucher in it so I had to go and fiddle in the bin, then thats when I discoverd she is HIV+. Then i confronted her but she just told me to leave her alone as she is trying to deal with it. We tested HIV- before in numerous occasions. I think she knew that she was positive as now when I think of the stories she was telling me or the things we discussed starts to make sence to me. She once said i must go cut my foreskin as i might get HIV then I asked where will I get it cause I only have sex with her and I only love her , then she said no 1 knows if she is positive. Then i asked her are you sleeping around then she sais yes ,then i said what then she said i m joking. Then after few day she asked me what will i do if i found that she is positive and didnt tell me, my 1st question was is there something you are telling me but you are unsure how to tellm me. She said its just a topic , i then told her that i will dump her cause she didnt be honest to me as i wouldnt mind dating her even if she is positive. According to the date she tested I had a mouth ulcer then went to the doctor when I come back she asked me what did the dr tell about the cause of the ulcer then I remember joking to her saying the Dr wanted to run HIV test but I refused then she asked why did I refuse I said to her that you know me and you go together for the test. Then i said can we go to the test on Friday ( 14/12/2012) of which we were talking on the12/12/2012. Then she secretly went to test on the 13/12/2012. I bought some HIV test kit (Sanitoets HIV test kit ) and i did some test on me and they show I m HIV- but I dont trust that test kit as it is not FDA approved. The recent test I did on myself was on the 02nd january 2013. I m in Pretoria (Soshanguve) ,South Africa so I need some support group to go to or people who can go with me for the test(atleast 2 people). For now I consider myself HIV+ thats the reason i need support group.
Tzozo Tzozo
Jan 7, 2013