Not Sure If I Am Positive, Still Waiting

Hello, I guess we all know the reason I am here... I 'm not sure where to start so .... I am married and in 2012 I had an affair. I was not happy with my marriage ( no excuse) and I met a man that I thought I wanted to be with. I left my husband and within two weeks this guys drops me cold! I had no plans of going back to my husband but he talked to me and I talked to him and eventually we reunited. He was aware of what happened and we made amends and have been working on our marriage. I got tested after for HIV and other STD's and everything was negative. YAY! Not so much!

I went on the 10th Of January 2013 to get tested again, you know just to be safe. I went to the health department and they offered an Orasure test, you know where they test the saliva for antibodies. Well the test came back as preliminary positive? I knew something was up because the woman took longer than the twenty minutes to come get me. The last one I took the lady came right back for me at the end of twenty minutes. She showed me the test and in the T area of the test there was a faint line with pink fuzzy coloration all around it.

I was shocked and stunned. Well I know how you get HIV so I wasn't shocked about that I just couldn't believe that this test was positive. I took the test in 2012 three months after my affair and it was negative now this test is positive!!

The lady at the health department told me it was a preliminary positive, well to me that was a big fat POSITIVE! She said that doesn't mean I am positive that they would have to do blood testing, you know the ELISA and the Western blot test. Well that has been almost two weeks ago and I called today to see what time on the 25th I could come in and she said the test results arent back yet. She expects them tomorrow.

I am scared to death. My lymph nodes started swelling after the orasure test. I can not eat, I am not sleeping well and it seems like every symptom there is for an acute HIV infection has set in all except rash and fever or the flu like symptoms. I was fine or felt fine before this test! I had a confirmed case of the flu in December but recovered in like four days. My whole family had it so I thought nothing of it.

All I can think is please God do not let my husband have this please Jesus don't let this happen to him!! He doesn't deserve this and here I have probably infected him!! I had one unprotected moment with this guy and I screwed my life up not just my life but more so my husbands. I just keep praying that if the blood tests come back positive, which I am thinking they will, that his tests will be negative.

My husband forgave me and all I have done is ruin his life! I realize this disease is forever you don't get rid of it and at this point I am okay if I have it but its killing me that I may have infected a man who has been ; honest, trustworthy, loving and forgiving.

I hope to get my results on the 25th of this month. I haven't said anything to my husband because the lady said that the Orasure tests have read positive and the blood tests came back negative. I wanted to wait and make sure that the tests were positive before I tell him anything. I didn't want him to experience the worry anxiety and hurt I have been feeling until I knew it was 100% true. Truly, now I feel I should have said something the day of the orasure test but now I wait.

I am so sorry if this seems like rambling but I have cried and cried and cried as I am sure many have done and I am on pins and needles. I don't even know how I will make the words come out my mouth. I will but I just don't know how. I could have prevented this and I didn't and now I have probably created two more statistics in this crazy sad world.

Any words of anything would be awesome. I don't expect pity but I sure would like something.

Thank you,
Waiting
An Ep User An EP User
5 Responses Jan 23, 2013

So glad you responded! I felt so bad for you! If I knew you I would have called you! I could tell you were frightened! SO HAPPY YOU ARE OK!

I just wanted to let evryone know that I finally got the results of my blood tests back and they are non reactive! Thanks to all of you for the support! God bless and I will be praying for all of you.

Be strong baby. In which country are you? I'm in South Africa.

I have been thinking about you! What's going on?

Let us know you resilt