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A Long Time Now

 hello to everyone.

 

I have been HIV for 24 years now.  I have been with it, and it has been with me a very long time.  I was there in the beginning, and yet I find myself, all these years later still here.  And no, I have no answer for that.  If you are reading this then odds are good that you are also positive.  Let me just tell you that you are not alone my friend.  You never where.  

I have had every possible emotion there is about all of this.  I have been at peace. I have cried.  I have gotten so pissed I could scream.  I have felt sorry for myself, and I have forgiven myself.  You name it.  Been there.  I guess the reason I am telling you any of this is that after all of this time I may have something to offer that could be of value and some kind of comfort to anyone that would need some.  I have no great answer for you.  All I have is I have somehow managed to continue on all these years, and that does come with a little insight.

Ask me anything.  Tell me anything.  Lets start there.

 

brucedance brucedance 46-50 33 Responses Dec 14, 2008

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Lovely to see someone as positive about it all as me :). Well done xx

i just need to know how to feel. my uncle (29) i'm 24 got diagnosed with HIV august 5, 2011. we are extremely close. come to find out he never got any treatment for the hiv over the past two years. two weeks ago we took him to er because he couldn't breathe. he had PCP. can't remember the"medical name" then comes back he has hep b and c. THEN comes back he has cryptococcal meningitis. THEN comes back today that his kidneys are failing and he has MAC. mycobaterium avium complex. it's so much SO fast. almost so fast i can't comprehend how to cry and be sad about it. okay, that's a total lie. i cry every night with my mom (his sister) and google what's going on. but everything we read it seems like we have to almost double it because he never got any treatment for hiv. so much so fast. at times anger because he lied...but at the end of the day... we're all on the bus to get him better... so we can't think about the past....that's done and over with. i don't know if you know anybody who has had any of these things... it's just sad to know that he's not even 30 years old and i think the end of his days are over. :( any kind of encouragement or even just words...even if they're bad... it's nice to hear an outside perspective that isn't family.

knowing that people who have experience dealing with all of this is out there. Im scared right now, waiting on results, where I live they say testing takes two weeks, I have been waiting for my results since july 25th, so much time to worry. My exposure to HIV isn't from drugs or sex, it is from a loved one who knew he was HIV positive and didn't understand how the virus could be spread, He didn't inform his son of his status and allowed both of us to bandage oozing, bloody wounds of his with our bare hands ( which at the time had open cuts), we never would have imagined this older gentleman, former preacher would have had HIV. He had known for over 20 years and had kept it from both his wife and his son. so im in a waiting game.

how do u go on? i was just diagnosed.

Wow, you giving me hope, although sometimes its hard to carry on.

glad your here that's a star brucedance:)

Hi this is Shahz - is this my new friend Bruce??

hello. Thank you for your story. It may be the uplifting info that I need. I found out that I'm + two weeks ago and still in a deep depression. I'm in my late 70s always been ultra careful and don't know how this happened. What is upsetting me is all the misinformation that goes around makes me think I'll be deprived of my grandchildren, and that being honest, I can't meet anyone. I'm lonely, scared and depressed and don't believe in therapy. I'm hoping to get some sort of inspiration from nice people like you who are willing to share. I need some warmth. Thank you for listening.

Wow 24 years with this disease I can only hope that I continue that long. I am still young and have a lot of life to live and more grandbabies to meet. What's been your secret? If I may ask what meds are you on? I am on Atripla. It's been working great for me but the longer you take it does your body get immune to it?

i have been working as an outreach worker for lost to care hiv/aids clients, tell me why does hippa make acception to stop the progression of the virus and just to see if there are barriers to care

Great problem with HIV and AIDS is sea of information, where one cannot know what to believe, what is true, odds and chances and what is practical and usable information. First of all, whatever happens, never give hope for life, as there are sometimes small children, dying of simple causes not even aware what is going on. Help others and make them feel good. Enjoy the life. Search for solutions. Differentiating information on HIV & AIDS is very very important. And there are cures for HIV, they exist, and there is not one cure, but many. And many are in preparation. There are "official" cures which will be accepted by the general medicine, and are being tested out all over the world, and will be soon published. And there are definite alternative cures, as well, among those which will not be officially tested because they are too cheap and does not make sales figures in large. Search for anything that helps, boost your immune system and never give up. HIV is the reason to awake in life and live even better. Some people sleep all the time and never have lived truly. Use your life by spending your time efficiently and you will live better and happier.

Thanks

Hi brucedance... I am looking forward to have a private conversation with you. I am so depressed right now I really don't know what to do. I am HIV + too. =(

Im half the woman i used to be before i found out 5 months ago, my life hasnt been a bed of roses.. now this.. I feel like iv been given the worst task in this world to overcome so many problems,sometimes i dont even want to wake up, sometimes i feel like im dreaming, all my dreams gone..My child's father infected me, he treats melike **** now coz he knows no one will want me,i dont feel pretty , im giving up slowly

Please don't give up, as you too, are a gift in this world.

i just found this site. the one thing you can't do is give up, you can't let people stress you. and you don't have to stay this guy. in fact run, because he can make you sicker with stds, different strain of hiv, and stress makes you forget to take your medicine. you know taking your meds as directive lowers your the amount of hiv in your body; did you know that regular medication and decrease stress decresases some survivors viral loads are undectable. i pray your still hanging in there,

Hurt

My story goes like this: I have dated a guy that is HIV + for 8 years and I knew nothing about it, we had unprotected sex frequently! when I found out, I went to test and the results were negative. I was confused at first and asked myself if this is posssible and yes I was negative, I went to test at 3 different places and still nothing. I am still negative as I've made it my mission to test at least once a year. I pray to GOD to be with everyone that has been exposed to this virus and to all those that have it to know that it is no KILLER. I encourage people to look after themselves eat healthy and try to stay away from anything that can put their lives and health in jeopardy. Love you all HIV + or not. Stay strong people, this thing can't beat us. I need 1 question answered though (How is it possible that I never contracted the deasese? )

if your partner has been taking medication as presribe his viral load may be undetectable, when the vl is undectabe is less likely to pass on. he's doing something right,

I am on no medication what so ever for HIV.

how long have you known you were positive? this touches very close to home. my family member found out two years ago he was positive and never got any treatment.. now, two years later...SO many complications and things going on. i strongly advise you to see a doctor...or at least reply to me. i\'m a mess right now knowing everything i know about this disease and what it does when it goes untreated. i wish i could take the pain and suffer away from my family member and ANYBODY who is feeling what i see him go through on a daily basis for the past two weeks.

r u on arvs coz i ve heard of some pple li ving longer not on meds

You are lucky and have good genes. I have seen people literally melt away after finding out, given they went years without getting tested--God knows how long. I get tested every six months and I am still negative. I fell in love with someone who is positive and I totally know I am risking my health by making love to him. He is very healthy and has more energy than me and I'm younger! He's great and I just hope the trojans keep working. Stay blessed!

I just reached my 27th year with HIV. When I was diagnosed, I never imagined that I could survive this, let alone be healthy and happy so many years later.



Protease Inhibitors saved my life 11+ years ago, but today my good health is more my own doing. Making better choices about what I put into my body (food, supplements, etc) and doing whatever I can to remain happy and to keep a positive attitude made all the difference. It's nice to know others have been as successful!

every year on your diagnosis date you should post it to give others insight and maybe inspired to take control the reality is it up to you .
congradulation

*17 years POZ and so far no meds required.*



Some days I feel like a freak. Some days I feel genetically blessed.



Once in awhile I feel like I have a bomb strapped to my chest that I cannot remove, unaware of when it is going to explode.



Sometimes I feel like a veteran that made it back from the war but left most of his buddies laying dead on a foreign shore.



I miss THEM all but I am also very grateful that YOU are still with the rest of us survivors on this journey.



I wish you better than well and may all your numbers be good ones.

I wish I was as positive as all the stories I read but I cant I feel like my life is over like I rather die now then have to live an go through this

How are you doing now?

I wish I was as positive as all the stories I read but I cant I feel like my life is over like I rather die now then have to live an go through this

i had it 6 years back. Lets not pronounce us DEAD. Hack care all the side effects and what it should do to us. Take your medication, then pray to lord Jesus. AMEN!!



You are my greatest idol that lives on 24 years and may we reach 100yrs. AMEN!!

may the Heavenly Father bless the HiV patients on this website and shine upon us the holy spirit to gives us strength to fight like a warrior after taking the medication and may our CD4 raise up to crazy healthy full levels. In jesus name, Amen!

pray to God for help.Ask Jesus Christ for healing. God bless you...

Thanks for your post..



Something really struck a chord with me from what Bummer420 said, about having a choice whether or not to live...

Its somethin i appear to be struggling with, having had HIV since 2003 and now on meds, its a daily struggle to take these tablets daily, and essentially thats what it is everytime i take my tablets it choosing to live,everytime i cant be arsed to take them, i am choosing to die. Such a conflicting message to send to myself and my body i guess, but that sums it up about how i am feeling.



Just when you think you have come to terms with this, something else brings it back to reality, ignites some anger and sets you off path, its a long path and a very lonely one...



It helps to hear people feel the same

I have had HIV since birth, but am just now coming to terms with the fact that I have a choice whether or not to live. I do feel alone and have felt everything you have mentioned. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know anyone else like me. But you're words, while they don't give me courage to move forward, they give me the support not to give up and fall back into the abyss. For that I thank you, it's good to know we are not alone.

Hello! I am a Medical Anthropologist and NP at Emory University, I would love for anyone and everyone to participate in a brief survey! the HIV/AIDS community of Atlanta and beyond will much appreciate your responses.

Thanks! James



https://spreadsheets.google.com/viewform?hl=en&ui=2&formkey=dGtUdF9JaHpTS24wTndSWDVrYWpkQmc6MQ#gid=0

Hugssssssssssssss May God Be With You Always :)

I only discovered I am HIV 2 weeks ago. The 1st day I was in shock and the few days after I was worried sick, crying alot, as I had to wait for my 20 mth old baby's results. Thankfully he is negative and since we got the results I have not felt sad, angry or any other negative emotion. I feel very optimistic and have a new found strong desire to live life with my partner (also positive as of 2 wks ago) and my children (all negative) to the fullest. I am determined to help myself stay healthy and to prolong any HIV related illnesses. I'm not sure if my anger etc will kick in at some point or I really have accepted my diagnosis but reading your story has given me even more hope for my future. Thank you