Part of me loves it, and at the same time i hate it. (this is pretty much a vent post) I constantly feel like a black sheep. Most of my relatives are Kantonese and speak Kantonese. However I look almost nothing like them and i can barely understand what they're saying. At chinese school, I look nothing like my friends who are completely asian. I'm always taller than them (sooo not the case at regular school) and it hurts to see how much i stick out. Since my mom is with us all the time and my dad is usually quiet about culture, I identify most with chinese culture. However when i'm involved in it i always feel like I don't belong. I feel like i don't belong anywhere completely, and I feel like the crazy person who pretends they know everything about foreign culture and ends up looking like a stereotyping fool. a bunch of times i try seeing if i can look asian, like making my skintone look lighter, making my lips look smaller (one of my features i don't particularly like) but i can't. I see how everyone says that half asians are the most beautiful race in the world, and i try to feel lucky, but i really can't. Thanks for those who bothered to read this.
jeweldoggy jeweldoggy
18-21, F
2 Responses Aug 17, 2014

I'm half chinese - half english, my dads side speak hakka which is a very rare language, I don't speak a word of it.
Most people say I look more chinese than white, my sister on the other hand doesn't look chinese, although she has more tanned skin.
I grew up in a very white community, so I did stick out a lot during school. But now I'm in college in London its very multi racial, so now it doesn't make a difference what race I am.
Always depends where you are. Don't judge your own looks by what others look like.

You are young. When you are less so you will start appreciating your individuality more. Hang on in there.