Insecure Exhibitionist

That was me for a long time, a duality, part introvert, part extrovert.  And even when I was "extroverted" I hid behind a very well polished facade, a veneer, an act - a performance.  In recent years I have been able to integrate the two poles so that I am pretty much the same person all the time - consistently open and forthcoming.  It's a relief - a schizoid existence is exhausting.
ElLagarto ElLagarto
56-60, M
2 Responses Jul 16, 2007

I'm with you on this one. I'll argue both sides of a point just to keep things lively, test out ideas I don't believe just to get a reaction, and generally bob and weave around ideas like Muhammad Ali circling an opponent. I like the mental exercise. But like you - there's a "core me," a home base, where the reference values are stored, where things are no longer funny, where things are worth dying for.

I think of it as chameleon, shifting exterior to help keep the shifting interior in-tact. Some of my philosophies are too much for people, I change my mind too often, and I’m too flexible in my thinking. I don't believe in a black and white world. <br />
I'm happy to have many different internal monologues, some always sober, some always playful, some reflective and others delusional. The 'prime monologue' keeps the others in line, filtering the others into a tangible outlook which I can agree with for awhile. I tend to listen to sober me the most, as even when I’m off my nut; he offers the most constructive outlook.