I Love to Make Things.

 I love, love, love to make things. I'm not so good at actually drawing or painting, (my best works are doodles) and I'm not a carpenter, or a genius mechanic like my best friend, but I love writing and more specifically, making emotions. That's why I love acting.

I swear, I hate being the center of attention. I mean, in some ways I love it, you know, everyone caring about you, but I feel so self conscious and so scared when people are just staring at me. So it really makes no sense that I've always loved acting. When I first acted on stage, the first thing I did when I walked on for the opening act was start crying and hiding behind other people. It was horrible. And the next time, the same thing happened. But when I started getting older, I started to get better at it, and I realized that I was still scared, but there was something else there. It was like the audience, the people who I was creating emotion for, got it. Like they knew what I was trying to give to them, and that they liked it. It was incredible.

And it's the same with writing. I love playing with words, and I love love love the sound of words, and how they look when you write them, but I love what they mean even more. My favorite words are the ones that mean explicit, detailed things, like saccharine, or lucid, or round words, like pearl. 

But the one thing that I wish I could do is sing. I love singing, but I've never been blessed with a loud singing voice. I can't sing loud, and though my friends tell me I have a good voice, I know I'll never be able to convey the kind of emotion to them that I can with writing and acting. 

I love creating. It makes me feel alive, and like I'm part of a world where things are made constantly, that I can do what no one else can do like me, I can make something out from where nothing was before. And that's something that no other process gives me. I love to create. And I don't know how I'll ever get over it. 

Tiana Tiana
4 Responses Feb 24, 2009

i know what u mean. im best at drawing.

the feeling i get when i have finished a drawing or painting is relief that the painting has turned out how i wanted it to but exitement at starting another but i always get scared starting a painting.

If you can talk loudly, you can sing loudly, it's just really hard to let your voice come out. I can play a few instruments, and I can sing. Try singing when you're alone in the house, because it's really hard to sing in front of others (especially if you're a newbie). Singing quietly/loud singing that's basically shouting and "real" singing are 2 completely different things. I can't really explain it, you have to feel it. The way you use your mouth and throat and lungs is waaay different. Basic singing practice consists of taking a deep breath and sing one note like "AAAAAAA" and hold it as long as you can. Then "EEEEEEE" and other vowels. Try it a few times. I bet you could sing louder if understood the technique.

There is something magical about creating something completely unique.