I Just Wasn't Meant To Be A Parent

I'm glad that I've found a place where I'm not committing a cultural blasphemy by saying that I absolutely do not want children. It's not that I dislike children, or that I wish other couples *didn't* have children - that's 100% a freedom of choice issue. But I'm not equipped mentally to deal with kids, and I think above all else, I just don't want to be responsible for another human life.
kiuz645 kiuz645
31-35, M
4 Responses Jul 9, 2010

@badonkadoku: yeah, I have gotten a few comments like that (not from any female doctors yet though). Most of the time I get comments like that from people in lifelong marriages who have a bunch of kids. And, to be fair, I understand where they're coming from: to them, wanting and having children simply is reality. It's what you "do", and they can't imagine anyone *not* having children or *not* wanting them. Though I do understand how they arrive at the "you'll change your mind" thing, it still frustrates me that they can't look past their own bounds of perception and see that other people in this world can and do live differently than they do. <br />
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It reminds me of two of my friends - a married couple - who just had a baby here a few months back. When I'm around them, I don't voice my opinion about not wanting children because I don't want to be a wet blanket (I truly do see the joy children bring to the lives of many parents). Another reason I don't voice it is because I know I'll have the jealousy label slapped on me. I can just hear my friend's mother say "Oh, do I sense a bit of jealousy?" And it's not that at all - I'm very happy about my friends' new arrival. I'm happy because *they're* happy. And when I look at their little daughter as she talks in baby talk, I think she's a cute little thing, but I'm so very thankful that I'm not responsible for her.

Kiuz645: You said exactly how I feel when you said, "I'm not mentally able to deal with kids, and I don't want to be responsible for another human life." I have all I can do to take care of myself; I sure don't need to have any kids. <br />
Badonkadoku: I, too, have gotten a lot of patronizing comments such as "You'll change your mind someday", and I get tired of people who think they know what is best for me. This is why, outside of this support group, I never discuss my decision with anyone. NOBODY "gets" it, and if I talk about it, I just open myself up to a lot of criticism and patronizing comments.

Do you get the patronizing "you might regret it some day" or "knowing more of what I want with my life than you" from female doctors too?

Good for you!!! The best thing you can do is be honest with yourself. Congratulations.