I Must Be Crazy!

Almost every time someone asks me if I have kids and I say no, their response is "not yet, huh?" and I always reply to that with "not ever" and at that point people look at me as if I've just smashed their own kid over the head with a baseball bat. I just don't understand that. My life choices are valid and it's like most people with children just can't understand that. I've never had any sort of maternal instinct and I've never really had any desire to have children of my own. I love having time alone and I love being able to do what I want when I want. And when I look at what I want for my future, kids aren't a part of that picture. I am very happily childfree.
shybbw shybbw
26-30, F
8 Responses Jul 27, 2010

I hate when people say "not yet" like as if all of us are somehow doomed to be as miserable as them one day. as if it's our fault they spread their legs and spawned a bunch of mouth-breather brats. it's as if they envy our happiness and have this sick desire to watch us struggle like them.

It is part of our media systems and the need to encourage us to consume that the concept of the family is so important and prevalent. Even couples with just one child are considered by the mass media machine to be 'selfish' as they are depriving that child of a sibling. The tides will change for us childfree folk as the overpopulation crisis looms and resources get scarcer - being childfree will be considered ethically sound rather than peculiar and selfish.

Strawberrypocky: You made an excellent, excellent point!! Someone who is a good parent and is truly at peace with themselves and their life choices will never rip a child-free person apart. I'm not saying that I'm better than people who have children, or in any way making fun of them. If you read all my stories on this topic, you'll see that I try to wirte things even a person who has children would agree with and relate to.

I try to refrain from telling most people I'm CF because I don't feel like getting told by everybody how dumb and immature I am for making such a choice. And yes, I've mentioned my CF stance on non-CF websites and had people just dive down my throat, as if I have somehow offended them. Well, I kind of have...by not having children like they did, I am not validating their choices which they most likely regret. Someone who enjoys parenting will not rip a CFer apart.<br />
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Despite what many dense people may think (bingos), I was not abused as a child, I'm not immature, I'm not stupid, I'm not too young to make a big decision, I'm not insane, I don't secretly want children, I'm not infertile and choose to compensate by pretending to be CF, it's not a phase, I will not change my mind, I would not love the child once it was born, and I will find some way to care for myself or to be cared for when I'm old.<br />
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As people have mentioned already, children do not guarantee happiness. Heck, pretty much every single person I know who has children is unhappy. The only bad thing is my boyfriend wants kids...but I've told him my stance more than once as far as breeding, so it's not as if he's been kept in the dark about it. I'm going to assume he has chosen me over potential babies if he's still here with me. Fingers crossed.

Only main person who has an issue with hubby and I being CF is his mom, she had her heart set on grandkids out of his union - since to her her 6 daughters don't count for all the kids and grand kids and great grand kids that have been produced.

Mother yells at me when I tell her I'm not "giving her grandchildren." Every few months she asks when I'm going to.<br />
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I told my companion that "If you're lucky, you'll get ONE" (she wants three; wtf!). The only circumstances under which she's getting it is if I accidentally knock her up.<br />
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I should've made this a story, lolol. Although I was intrigued by a female who actually didn't want them.

Shybbw: Thank you so much for sharing your story!! I can relate 100%. Whenever I tell someone I don't have kids, they say, "Well, maybe not yet, but that day will come." At this point, I just shrug, or say mm-hmm, or something meaningless. In the past, when I vehemently stated that I never want children, people would almost...get mad at me, as if I were commiting some sort of blasphemy. Either that or I would be subjected to a lot of patronizing remarks such as, "You'll change your mind someday." As if they know more about what I want and what is best for my life than I do!! So now I never discuss this issue outside of this support group, because PEOPLE JUST DON"T GET IT. <br />
Depressed 401: I'm not depressed; I'm happy with myself and my life, even though everyone automatically assumes that because I don't want kids, that I can't possibly be. Like you, I have all I can do just to take care of myself. I have been around kids, so I know what children are. I know that I don't have the energy, the patience, or most importantly, the desire, to be a parent. I have absolutely no maternal instinct at all. You're not a loser if you don't want kids; what makes a person a loser is when they allow people to pressure them into having kids they don't want and have no ability to properly care for.

I get the same thing. I don't want to have kids because I just don't have the energy for it. I have trouble taking care of myself. Sometimes I think that not having children is the same as having loser tattooed on my forehead.