Don't Like Them, Don't Want Them

I've pretty much disliked children since I was one myself. I couldn't believe how cruel even grade schoolers could be to each other. As I got older, I noticed I just did not like being around children at all...I didn't like being near a little creature that smelled, soiled itself, screamed, and usually was covered in some unknown sticky film. Babysitting against my will and with no pay (for relatives) did not make me change my mind - in fact, it made me even more adamantly childfree.

I actually never knew the term "childfree" until I was about 18 when someone on another site told me about this lifestyle choice and that it existed. Granted, even if I was the only woman on the planet who didn't want kids, that wouldn't have changed my mind since I am not part of the social herd. But imagine my absolute joy and relief to find others much like myself who didn't want and/or disliked childre as much as I did and still do. Of course, being the semi-young age of 23 means I still get a lot of the "You're too young to know what you want" bingo...I'm too young to choose not to breed, but some idiot 13-year-old is mature enough to choose to have a baby. How interesting.

The thing that angers me the most is the fact that childfree folks get very little respect for their choice. Parents have everyone fawning over them for performing a very basic biological function, whereas we are told we're stupid, mean, selfish, mentally ill, immature, haven't become real adults yet, or we're too young to make such a life-changing choice because we choose to not breed. It's highly unfair...try telling a parent they're too immature and stupid to have had kids and they'll scream blue murder. But CFers are somehow not allowed to take offense to someone with children offending them about their life choices.

I won't rant too much. All I know is I'm happy with my choice, and one day I will get myself sterilized.
StrawberryPocky StrawberryPocky
22-25, F
4 Responses Aug 10, 2010

Motherhood isn't for me, period. I, too, have a long list of reasons why I choose not to have children, but I won't bore you with all that. Some of my reasons are too complex and too deeply personal for me to explain; if I tried, it would just come out sounding really shallow and stupid, and still wouldn't convey what I really mean. Anyone who would need an explanation, it would likely be lost on them anyway, so I never bother to try to justify myself. Thanks so much for sharing; it's so nice to know I'm not alone in feeling just enraged by normal childhood behavior. Children don't want a mother who yells at them all the time; I know I would because children get on my nerves. I'm not maternal. Anyone who is truly a good parent, and at peace with themselves and their life choices, will not be offended by your decision to be child-free. They understand that parenthood is a lot of effort and involvement, and is not for everyone. People who are bad parents cause society a lot more harm than those who choose to be child free.

Motherhood isn't for me, period. I, too, have a long list of reasons why I choose not to have children, but I won't bore you with all that. Some of my reasons are too complex and too deeply personal for me to explain; if I tried, it would just come out sounding really shallow and stupid, and still wouldn't convey what I really mean. Anyone who would need an explanation, it would likely be lost on them anyway, so I never bother to try to justify myself. Thanks so much for sharing; it's so nice to know I'm not alone in feeling just enraged by normal childhood behavior. Children don't want a mother who yells at them all the time; I know I would because children get on my nerves. I'm not maternal. Anyone who is truly a good parent, and at peace with themselves and their life choices, will not be offended by your decision to be child-free. They understand that parenthood is a lot of effort and involvement, and is not for everyone. People who are bad parents cause society a lot more harm than those who choose to be child free.

I just know I'd be an awful parent...babies and children crying inspires a terrible rage in me and I have to get away from the source of the noise. If I had to listen to it day in and day out for years, I would lose my mind and probably be one of those parents who shakes the crap out of their kid or smacks them for daring to open their mouths. I would never ever want to do that to a kid who didn't ask to be born. The constant crying and screaming is one of a long list of reasons I will not have children.<br />
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They just aren't for me, period. Some people don't figure out they don't want kids until later in life, and some know right from the start. I was one of the latter types, and I just never knew my choice had a name until I reached adulthood. Why people take such issue and offense to the CF choice is beyond my comprehension; I assume it's because the ones who take offense are parents who regret having kids because of how difficult is it and they resent that a childfree person does not validate their choice of parenthood. They would deny this up and down, but why else would someone be so infuriated by someone else's lifestyle choice that in no way harms or even affects them as parents?

You don't need to rant; I totally relate to everything you're saying. I respect your choice not to have children. You sound like an intelligent, articulate, well-grounded person who knows exactly what she wants, and has her act together. If you dislike children as much as you say you do, it is far better that you don't have any; children deserve parents who like them, want them, and are patient with them, not parents who just had them due to familial or societal pressure. I never talk to anyone about my decision not to have kids, outside of this support group. Nobody gets it. I just get "you'll change your mind", or else have people tell me I'm selfish, abnormal, deviant, or maladjusted. You know from your reaction to being around kids whether you would make a good parent; some women just have that natural, adoring, maternal way with kids. Then there are people like you and me who feel either ill at ease or irritated. If the latter is your reaction, then that's a sign you shouldn't have kids. There's no need to bring children into this world if you don't have the ability, interest, patience, or desire to be the kind of parent they need. Take care!