So Many People

Have children because it's seen as the normal thing to do. Those of us that don't want children are often considered as some sort of aberration, or as selfish, neither of which I think is true. By not having children we are preventing unwanted children from suffering, you may think all children are a blessing, try telling the 65000 children, in the care of the local authorities in the UK just how blessed they are. Because I have no desire to bring children in to this world, I've been told I must be callous and uncaring, what's callous or uncaring in not wanting to add to an over populated world that can be as harsh as this one is at times? 
Illiteratetroll Illiteratetroll
46-50
16 Responses May 4, 2012

Steve and Joey, well said!!!

I'm wondering if all of us "smart" people stop having kids... And those inept mothers keep reproducing like rabbits..., will the world eventually be filled with irresponsible idiots who don't "think" before they act???

That is a very scary scenario.

I went through this quite a bit when I was younger - I chose not to have a child until I was 38 - so had all the criticism and comments leading up to that.

I was never a "broody" woman and never bought into the whole thing of there being nothing else in life but to produce children.

Having said all that, I have no regrets having had my daughter and I made the decision to have her, with my partner, at a time which suited me. There is a lot more to having a child, bringing them up and supporting them than just a simple, natural "way of things" that many seem to adopt. It's as if having children were a right.

My take on it, is that a child is a privilege and a blessing. Yes, they're hard work but you have to be willing to sacrifice a little of yourself along the way to make it happen satisfactorily. Having made the decision to have a child, that's what you do - you put in effort and you dedicate a part of yourself to that task. If it's not your choice - then that's fine by me, I understand and it's none of my, nor anyone else's business.

I could easily have gone the childless route myself and had no problem with that. It's about being happy with who you are and your choices in life. I am happy with mine as I know you are happy with yours, and that's all that matters.

I don't plan to.
Who's gonna be mad about that? Only ******* who blame their kids for stealing their youth & happiness lol

'Selfish' are those people who bring children into the world only hoping that they will be taken care of in their old age (as if!).

Probably one of the most caring things you could do is not have kids. Like you said, too many kids out there that didn't ask to be brought into this world and no one is properly caring for them. <br />
I love my kids and so happy I have them, I would never condone abortion. But not everyone can provide for the physical and emotional needs of a child. I'm not a perfect parent but I am capable and willing.<br />
It's actually UNselfish of you to recognize this about yourself. It would serve us well for others to be this honest.

You know how it is, we all see people who just don't have the time or the right attitude towards children, I don't want to be one of them, I think it's the hardest job in the world to do well but I do wish more people would make it a considered decision rather than just something that 'happens'.

And I declared that the dead,
who had already died,
are happier than the living,
who are still alive. But better than both
is the one who has never been born,
who has not seen the evil
that is done under the sun. (Ecclesiastes 4:2, 3 NIV)
I just thought of that when I was reading your post. Not that life isn't to be enjoyed but I've certainly worked with the child I felt like would be better off to have never been born.

As a product of the care system myself I absolutely understand where you are coming from!

Ooh you brought on the old testament ****... Cool. I like that quote, I'm gonna start using it.

1 More Response

Men get the selfish tag too for not wanting kids. Society is hypocritical, though, because men who sleep around, have loads of children by several women and don't act as a father figure to them aren't shamed anywhere near enough as they should. Such a man should be hounded incessantly. But hey, he brought children into the world, so he MUST be a hero! What a load of BS ... As for me, I've known since a quite young age that, though I may marry, I wouldn't want children or even one child. Too much responsibility that I'm not cut out for. I can't -- and won't -- go along with the "logic" that most people get sucked into, that the biggest reason for being alive is to reproduce. Sorry, that does nothing for me. I don't want to be like most other sadsacks out there who sacrifice their happiness because they're so obsessed with providing the world with the next generation which, of course, will be larger than any previous one. Gee, just what this world of 7 billion desperately needed!

Nice to know I'm not alone! Been so pleasantly surprised by the opinions of others! Was expecting to get slated for this, instead people have got what I'm saying.

You shouldn't expect to be slated when you're posting in a group called "I Am Happily Childfree" -- but, even if someone does harrass you with an ignorant opinion, just brush it off as the unworthy piece of flotsam that it is. Either a troll or someone who realized he or she threw their life away by having kids and is intensely jealous of those who were careful and judicious with their lives.

If children were created ONLY by people who were caring and un-callous, I wonder how many fewer kids would be born each year? How many babies are created in one night stands, under the influence of drugs or alcohol, as a way of controlling the partner..whatever? I have never understand the accusation that a person (well, let's face it, mostly women are accused) is selfish and coldhearted for not having children. Even the most selfish people and unfeeling people can have sexual intercourse, and as we all know, that's all it takes. Not warmth, not caring, not responsibility.

Not to mention that society is perverted now and actively encourages such cold, uncaring and irresponsible sexual behavior. The mantra is, sex is good, so just have it and to hell with the consequences. The higher the number of bodies with beating hearts someone's had in the sack (male or female), the bigger a hero they are.

Frankly I could do with some s€x doesn't mean I need to procreate, I have more sense than that!

What's ironic here is that you'd make a good mom.<br />
<br />
There are a lot of people who really don't take the responsibility of being a parent seriously.<br />
<br />
People who challenge out of the box thinking tend to be lazy followers. Best to pity them.<br />
<br />
:-)

Pen that's a really sweet thing to say, but I can barely look after myself sometimes! You've made me all choked you daft beggar.

I'm a much better father than I am at taking care of myself. That's why I'm married. lol

Different strokes for different folks. I have 4 kids and would not give them up for anything but they are a lot of work and worrie. <br />
<br />
If we were all the same it would be a boring planet.

Absolutely.

My wife and I do not have any children. I did not want any. My wife would have had one if I wanted I suppose. <br />
<br />
I do not consider myself to be selfish or uncaring, I am a nurse. You have to care about other people if you want to be a nurse. It has never come up and it probably never will but... If someone said I am selfish and uncaring for not wanting to have children I would ask them " do you want a selfish and uncaring person to be a parent?" Think how the children would suffer."

I think the 'selfish, uncaring' thing is a tag more often attached to us women who don't want kids, I've never known of a guy being criticised for not wanting them, for some reason it's perceived differently coming from a man.

Its possible that many people dont actually think about whether they want to have children, or will be able to be good parents. Its the norm. Its what people do. So they do it.They probably put more thought into which car to buy. <br />
Maybe they regret their lack of thought on this very important issue. <br />
<br />
Finding themselves faced with a person who did make a considered choice could be very threatening indeed.

I think you are right, some people just do it without thought.

And many may secretly regret it.

I dont get why anyone thinks its their business if you have kids or not! If you dont want to have kids thats up to you and I think its wrong to try and make someone feel guilty for their choice. It doesnt stop when you have one either, then you get peeps asking when your having the next one all the time. They should mind their own fcking business imo.

They should indeed, but as you know, they don't!

Just to take up creepydude's point ... I think anyone that thinks outside the box, especially when it comes to children, is seen as a threat. I remember when I was making decisions around home schooling my own child I received many negative reactions from "friends" who thought that by making that choice I was somehow criticising their own decision to educate their children in the local schools. It seems that anything around the subject of children is a potential for defensive reaction.

I don't really understand why though, it's not a view point I'd heard before so I'm still pondering this one, I just can't see why it's seen as threatening to them.

Parents are often very defensive about their children, I suppose it sits alongside "protective" but anything which goes against their own beliefs is seen as a criticism. I do agree with creepydude's assessment though. Plus people who have children usually try to say that it's the best thing you could ever do, bar none, inspite of the obvious trials now and again. Human nature I guess.

West of my county is a county that has the highest teen pregnacy in the state. Several of my coworkers are from there, All of them have several children. It is a very rural county. When asked what they do for intertanment, popular reply is the 3 F (Fornacation {the other word is usually used}, Fighting and Football). Most of my co-workers have dropped out of school, and just tryig to understand there speach takes, a bit of interpeting. Social services is very promanate. Many foster homes. It is sad.

In their own mind. :)

I agree with you completely. I never had the desire to bring a child into this world. I get called selfish for this by my family and friends all the time. I do love kids........but I just don't want any of my own. I get so tired of people telling me I need to have at least one.

I know exactly what you feel like.

Well said. I totally agree with you. It should be a matter of choice and not for anyone else to make a judgement. Those who do make negative comments should be told to mind their own business.

So many people just don't see it like that, unfortunately.