Happily Childfree ... And My Crazy Life.

For as long as I can remember, I've been childfree. I never played with baby dolls growing up - always Hotwheels and animals. When I was a kid, I always envied older people and preferred to be around them. I liked hanging around my older cousin more than younger ones. I became an aunt at 7 years old. The first, and ONLY time I had to babysit was my half-sister's kids one night when I was 16. I hated it. It pretty much sealed the deal for me on being CF.

In November 2004, I met the person I'd later marry, R. From day 1 of playing "Twenty Questions" on AOL Instant Messenger hours into the night, I had stood fast by my CF stance. When we began living together, his mother asked me when we planned on giving her grandkids. We'd been together for ten months, and I was 18. Really? I told her I wasn't a kid person, she said "You'll change your mind."

In 2008, I married R. He claimed to be on board with being CF still. I hadn't begun doubting it much yet. At the wedding, his aunt asked him when we were having kids. When he told her that I didn't want any, she accused me of keeping him from the joys of children. I asked why he didn't tell her that WE didn't want any...he said he didn't want to go around upsetting his family with that admission. When we moved into our own house in 2009, his mom told me about an abortion she'd had when she was 21 - her mother had brought her to the clinic. She told me that if I ever got pregnant, she would be devastated if R and I didn't keep it because we had the financial means and stability. I asked her why actually wanting a kid didn't matter. "You'll learn to love your own." I said I'd rather not take the risk I wouldn't.

There were many other times where he remained non-committal to the CF stance when I'd be talking with someone about it. We talked about how I could be sterilized at 28. He said to never, ever tell his family. I couldn't figure out why it'd matter - they knew my stance from day one. His mom even admitted that his dad could have been just as happy childfree. I asked him when he would ever consider sterilization if he were serious - he said "Maybe when I'm 30. I don't want to do something I can't reverse." 

On November 6, 2011, I was in a bad drag racing accident. It affected me badly for quite some time. Things with R weren't as they used to be. We'd been tense, and the accident made it worse. Shortly after, we were separated. My heart pulled me in another direction, as I refused to settle somewhere at 24 years old when I had so much more of my life ahead of me. It was a long, hard two weeks of talking, tears, and pain, and I wondered where my life was headed.

I entered a relationship with someone who was my best friend - C. We both felt an incredibly strong connection, and both wanted to travel a lot more before settling. In April 2012, I received a text from R, who saw me at a neighboring restaurant while out with the C's family for his dad's birthday. He was wanting to tell me he was going to be a father before the year ended. I said "Congrats" and went on with my evening. It was a shock, but at the same time, not so much of one. The next day, he sent me another text asking why I didn't have a million questions for him. Honestly, I didn't feel I had any right to ask a million questions about it since we weren't together. And if there was ANY chance of us ever getting back together, it was gone with the announcement of his impending fatherhood. I did ask him for how long he'd wanted kids. He admitted that he'd wanted them for a few years of our marriage, but didn't say anything because he knew my strong feelings of remaining CF. I had asked a few times in our relationship about that, and he always insisted we'd been on the same page. He also pointed out that his new relationship was one of the reasons he never wanted to get sterilized - because he may change his mind, which he did in fact "change".

His new girlfriend was a girl who'd caused arguments between us in our marriage before. He admitted he'd kept in touch with her even when I wasn't thrilled about it. He'd been in a roll over car accident (with someone else who was driving his car drunk), and that woke him up to doing what he wanted. And what he wanted was a relationship with her. From day one together, they decided "If a baby happens, it's what's meant to be." She got pregnant the 2nd time they slept together, he said. She moved in with him right after, and they are due to have the baby this week. (Less than a year after splitting up. So for all those people who were thinking I was a ***** for leaving, I believe this says a lot too).

C has shown me what a true CF guy should be like. Four or five years ago, he was with a girl who'd gotten pregnant that he'd dated on and off for quite some time. She wasn't sure who the father was - C or her boyfriend - until the baby came out. C cut all physical relationships with her, though they remained friends for awhile. He told me that at that time, he sort of hoped it was his, because they'd be together. But looking back, he also knows that he doesn't want a kid, and it would've been a loveless, miserable, routine relationship that existed solely because of a kid. They split because she wanted marriage and babies, and he wasn't big on commitment or the idea of children. He also said looking back, he's never truly loved anyone until me.

After we got together, he started thinking of how crazy it is that he's living with a girl, that I drive him insane in good ways as well as bad, and that he's actually seeing himself "getting papers on me" someday. When I told him my concerns on him -saying- he's CF, he told me if I wanted him to get sterilized, just say the word and he would prove he's serious. The other night, while he talked with a guy that works where he's at, he pointed out the guy had "A bunch of kids" (4 of them). The guy replied with "You'll understand when you have your own." C responded "Not for me, we have cats and a dog, that's all we want." I loved that I wasn't the one who had to state that! We've also been looking at houses recently to stay in for 1-2 years until we move out of state, and C has nixed any houses that have had a lot of loud kids in the area, as well as noting if the neighbors have noticeable kindercrap outside. 

My CF life is happy, full of travel, love, fun, and furbabies. If you asked me 5 years ago if this would be my life, I'd say "Never!" (well, except for the CF part)... but I am SO glad it is. Looking back 10 years, it's amazing how my life has gone. But one thing has stood fast - my desire to remain childfree.
punkkitten punkkitten
22-25, F
1 Response Nov 25, 2012

Wow!.. I admire you for not giving up your dreams and staying faithful to your true identity!
Hope you are still happy and enjoying your life!:)