I Don't Need a Child to Live a Full Life

There are many reasons why I'm childfree, some of which I'll delve in to here.

I was [technically] my mothers fifth child.  She lost her only son shortly after he was born, at least that's what she tells me.  She had me right before she went through menopause, and believe me when I say that being the "baby" of the family didn't grant me any favors. 

We were poor, living paycheck to paycheck just trying to make it.  Because my mom had us all so far apart I was often stuck at home, a latchkey kid, so my mom and step-dad could work.  There was a lot of resentment on...well...everyone's part.  I resented them for never having the time of day for me and they resented me for being an extra financial burden.

I grew up, I got married.  Oh sure, at first I liked the idea of having a baby.  All the old familiar bingos were pelted at me.  "You'd make such a GOOD mother!" and "Being a parent is the most fulfilling thing in the world!"  I had a gripping case of baby rabies and every month when my period would come I would be a sniveling mess.  This was before I really took in to perspective what having a child would do to my life.

Less time with my wonderful husband.  Less money.  Schooling and making the right decisions and popularity and puberty and all of the other things that would make me rip my hair out if I'd actually conceived!

I'd never even HEARD of the term childfree until one day I was surfing around on the 'net and came across a childfree message board.  It was like my eyes were finally open and I saw that there were others out there just like me!  I loved the term childfree because I'd always considered myself childless and since I'd really come to terms and was HAPPY about not having children I always felt that childless sounded as if I wanted them and couldn't have them.  I was among my people!

I know that there's a lot of people out there that downright hate children.  I'm not one of those people.  I can appreciate a baby or child in small doses.  They're just not for me.  I take more issue with parents than I do children.  Parents are the ones that make stupid decisions, feel entitled and in turn teach their children as they are growing up to behave the same way.  I fear it's getting worse all the time.

So; those are just a few reasons why I'm happily childfree.  There are many more but this is already very long!  I'm happy to have met so many like-minded individuals!
chaotic chaotic
26-30, F
10 Responses May 31, 2007

I'm proud of you for seeing it before you had any children. Children are not necessary to have a fulfilled life. Some are blessed with amazing children who grow up to be well ajusted adulpts. Others have them and have a life filled with sorrow. Being a good parent has nothing to do with it either. It's about his ****** society we all live in. I'm glad you are happy.

It's sad how many people have been brainwashed by family and society alike that their lives aren't complete until they've had children. It's so stupid. Children can never be for everyone, and it'd be nice of the prolific breeders of the world recognized and respected that. I have to deal with their kids nearly everywhere I go; they can deal with my lack of kids.

The question about regretting not having kids is annoying. I would rather regret NOT having kids, than regret having them, if that makes any sense. For me, being childfree isnt ba<x>sed on a deep-seated definate decision to not have kids, it's purely ba<x>sed on the fact that i just feel i dont want them enough, and i believe that no-one should have kids unless it's their dream and they cant imagine life without them. Accidents happen and luckily most dont regret an unplanned child, but if something's whispering doubt into your head when you're thinking about having kids, you should really listen.

Thanks Isepha. :) None of my friends have ever been married, sadly they fall into the category of girls who think the guy would stay with them. I refuse to be a "baby mamma", period.

I am Childfree too, and quite proud of it...and also in the minority. I live in the South, and so often I find that people have kids then grow up, instead of growing up and then having kids. The fact that I made it to 20 without getting pregnant was commendable, but now that I am 28, it is reprehensible. I am Child free for two reasons:1. I decided long ago that I do not want children. I like my freedom, my money, and my convertible. I also like not subjecting my body to pain. 2. I do not have unprotected sex...EVER. I won't do that until I am married and can get a tubal ligation.<br />
Big surprise: My decisions have NOTHING to do with men! Whenever I do tell someone that I don't want them, I hear the phrase "Oh, just wait until you find the right man." Uh, no...right man or wrong man, I don't want them. I don't care if the man stays in my life or not, I am the one carrying and birthing the baby, and I don't want to put myself through that! Sure, getting pregnant by a jerk who leaves you makes having a baby harder, but even if the guy stays with you, Its no cake walk. <br />
I commend you for making an informed decision about your body and your future, this is what planned parenthood should be.

I love the book "How to (not) Have Children" because it talks about many of the things that are here, like not wanting to feel guilty about not having kids, and the way some people think people without kids should be doing (this) or (that) with their lives just because they think they have the time for it.<br />
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I respect those who have kids, and I respect those who don't. I also respect those who don't ask, "Why don't you want kids? Aren't you afraid you'll regret it later?"<br />
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We all make choices. Children are simply one of them.

i agree with you that you don't need children to have a full life.

It is interesting. I accept it as a decision but I can't really understand. Earlier I didn't think about children, but now I want some. I don't think that life without children can't be full. But I know that I would always have a feeling that something is missing. I think that my life wouldn't be full. I hope to have some children one day. I think that this childfree thing is much better than live divorced with unwanted kids or in a bad marriage. I don't agree with those who say everyone should have children.

Terrific! :-) Yes, I had that same experience, suddenly discovering that I wasn't alone and realizing I was perfectly entitled to a childfree life if I wanted one, and I didn't have to explain myself to anyone. What a relief!<br />
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I agree that there are some overly rabid childfree types out there -- people who actively hate all children and those who choose to have them -- and they tend to give the rest of us a bad name! As in every group, the extremists are the noisiest. Ignore 'em!<br />
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:-)

I commend you for being so honest and for knowing that having kids was not what you wanted in life. I believe you can love kids and still just decide that having them is not for you. I have a cousin who did the same thing! She and her husband have no children and they have been happily married for like 22 years. She could have children but they decided not to. I myself have one child. I was married to his father and we split up when my son was just 2 yrs old. I love my son with all my heart but raising him alone and with no child support has been very very difficult. I had my tubes tied 2 years ago. I love my son and do not regret having him but I did not want to have any more children. Just like you mentioned about living pay check to paycheck that has been my life. A man can promise you the moon but when your left out here all alone to raise a child it is no pic nic. You know what you want out of life and that children were not part of that plan. I see nothing wrong with that.