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The Things I Can't Explain

Being a married woman with multiple experience of trials and tribulations. I met my husband in 2001. When I met him, he was very persistant on a lot of things that me and my kids liked. There were some things that we went through in our life that caused me to look back at his livelihood when he was a kid.

I have been married for seven years now. That time it was not good, I began to learn a lot of things about my husband. I was 21 and he was 22 at the time. We had a beautiful daughter together. At times I felt like I outgrew him but God and love kept me with the faith to fight for my marriage. I came from a small family - me, my mom, and two brothers but my husband came from a large family that I didn't understand for a while that made me feel left out a lot  because I was different. My husband had five brothers and six sisters. 

But I didn't know how different I really was. Two years ago, at around eight in the morning, I got a phone call from the hospital. It was some people from Social Services; his sister with mild retardation had a baby. Someone that was closest kin had to take the baby. Out of all of her people, they called me. When I spoke to the guy, he asked me "is this, Ms. Johnson?" I replied, "Yes". He asked me how many kids I had and how many rooms I had in my house. He then explained to me the situation about my sis-in-law's baby. He informed me that someone closest to kin had to sign for the baby or go up for adoption. I thought about it and said, "What if it were me?" The gentleman asked was it too much for me to handle, I replied, "No, kids must stay in the family." So I took my sis-in-law so she can raise her baby. That was a hard trial to say that she was just learning how to deal with anything. There were times that I had to sit and talk to her and encourage her that she could do it. Some of her older sisters called her 'retarded', 'slow', and said she didn't need a baby. My husband said that he wasn't going to sign his name and be responsible for anyone's baby even if it was his own niece.

At this time, I wonder how could he have been a big family and not have enough time to help the one that really needs it. But I saw something in her and I worked with her and her baby until she was able to try and understand how to hold her head up and look high. The hard part about it was I had to do it all by myself with my six kids, her newborn baby girl. It helped me to understand that all it takes is a little genuine time to have with people.

At this point, I've put it in God's hands. She had a new baby boy and the same thing, everyone talked down on her in her family including my husband. My husband told me not to take another baby in and I looked and told him, "This is not just a baby, this is your nephew." To me he seemed not really wanting to understand his sister's situation. I stood up for her to my husband and her mother. Now she has gotten stronger; I have taught her how to be independent and when people told her that she couldn't do, now she knows what to do. She and her two babies, after two years of being with me, have graduated to a place of her own that some people in her family thought because of her condition that she wasn't capable. I knew the things, I have watched her change into a wonderful young woman. So I encourage her to be ready for her new apartment.

She has been in it about two months now and I look back, thinking about the time I put in to encourage her when people tried to tear her self-esteem down and I look at that, thinking, that my husband did not even consider encouraging me with his own sister. The many times I hear him say that family is important but positive things never seem to appear unless I push the issue for it to. He would go with wrong and agree with people that drink a lot and don't even have anything for himself.

Now that part of my life I feel like I gained a little sister that I never had. And I did what I think any family member should do whether she's my blood sister or not. Half of his brothers and sisters act like the real world does not come with responsibility, like it's surrounded by drugs and alcohol. I have never saw anything like it but I think that God put me there for a reason. Sometimes I don't understand and I pray and ask God to give me wisdom and knowledge to understand why I was put in this relationship. My mother-in-law went against me for years as though she was the other woman and so did my husband. The things that he saw his mama do when it was wrong, he went with it. Time and time, I'd try to tell him to look deeper but it never failed to work. I have been around long enough to see things change so that's why I think about the things that I do before I do. I feel like, treat people the way you want to be treated.

As the years passed, I began to develop a relationship with his uncle. He was the pastor of their family church and a lot of things that he told me about men to encourage me to do what I need to do even when my husband wasn't man enough. In spite of what he told me to keep my eye on the prize. My mother-in-law got jealous of our relationship, making up a lie in front of the church, the things that she said about me drinking and wearing clothes way up my butt and didn't even describe my character. I'm not a drinker whatsoever, I have never smoked anything but it made me distant myself from everything, from the pastor, my husband (and he was in the house with me) because no one else acted like they saw this going on. But I love my uncle, the pastor, and his cancer started to spread through that time. I didn't really want to distance myself but the things that were going on just wasn't right.

Three weeks ago, I went to see him and my mother-in-law was there. He was on his sickbed, I told him how I felt and I was sorry that I distanced myself but the things that were going on with that family, I just couldn't stand it anymore. My mother-in-law pretended in front of him like we were close when I saw him, looking the way he looked, I told him that's not true and that things haven't changed and I'm tired of everyone pretending. She looked and implied that I never loved my uncle and I just didn't understand how I spoke the truth, she changed her mind and became angry and outraged, saying that I just don't like her. It hurt me to see him cry and to say, "THIS is FAMILY, she has two of your GRANDKIDS. This has to STOP. Your SON LOVES Her. Whatever you do to STOP him, he goes BACK to HER. I'm DYING for y'all PEOPLE and this is what I GET." But I didn't understand, how could they lie to someone they say they love so genuinely and it made me even madder to see that the things I've been telling husband for years all came out to be the truth about his mama.

Well, today was a sad day. The only person that was close to me and his family passed away. Before he passed, he told me to try hard, he told my mother-in-law, "Leave her alone, you've been doing this for years, you're going to need her." I put in my mind that I will forgive them for all the things they've done to me mentally and spiritually but I will never trust because all of what I've been through. One day, maybe I will have but these days, I have to really believe that this stuff is true. I have lost a person that I have considered an idea of a REAL MAN but I will try my hardest to do what he asked me to do.

MrsIndependent MrsIndependent 26-30, F 6 Responses Dec 6, 2008

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I have heard of families being like that. A cruel mother in law(I have) and families turning away from family members when they is a problem.<br />
Family members lying to get away with lies they have told and so on.............<br />
You did the right thing, I my self has a husband who see no faults in is own family but his does.<br />
My husband doesn't stand up for me in any situation and let people walk all over his family(me and his kids).<br />
We must stand up for our selves because know one will and the need of others!

I have been married for 9 good years. What makes those years good? She does what I tell here to do.

Im sorry :( i wish u the best!!

I'm so sorry for your loss. Keep that ideal and remember the person as well, they always remain in our hearts.

All the best to you <br />
<br />
you have a friend ;)

*sniff* good story, reminds me of how I feel about my dad (whom I love and respect but we're too similar and there's parts of him/I that I'd rather do without) versus my dad's dad (who was legendarily awesome in nearly all respects).<br />
That's about as close as it gets, tho, I'm single and practically relegated to stay that way :)