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I Dont Know What To Do

Hi..I dont really now were to start,but I really feel like doing this.This all begun this year, in April.Everything started because of a simple boy.He came in my life last year and since then he was kind of allways on my back...On that month we had a large fight on the celphone,and that really made me bad,and other things were happening in the moment too..like grades,celphone bills,friends and on the other hand my mom was very stressed out,going in depression,so my dad conclued that the fault was me and my brothers.He said stuff that I never taught I wouldve heard of.So those are some of the points that made the snow ball fall all the way down to the cliff.One day after all that I didnt now who to run anymore,Im a catolic girl,and Jesus was my only hope.I prayed all night,crying and beging fot everything be ok.But on that weekend I couldnt handle anymore...so on the school I wrote my friend a note...but it wasnt just a note,it was kind of a good bye note,so I started crying real hard on the class,so she grabed my arm and took me to the direction,by that point she was crying too,she was hell scared /: after everything my mom came,she cried..and I started taking pills.Unfortunely I dont feel much better these days..my pills went stronger but it dosent really solve ): Im feeling like,i dont know,i dont have a word.Today was my first experience in cutting,i got a piece of glass and went trought my finger.But then I started thinking in my mother,she would have an attack If I went away,and also taking my own life is against my religion(I respect each).So Im here writing this,seing if this pain,the emptyiness in my heart goes away //: so yeah..I hope the ones reading this dont passa trought the same situation never! thanks and sorry for the grammar..
StarBanana StarBanana 16-17, F 2 Responses Jun 15, 2012

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Some words hurt so much, when my mom says you're such a difficult girl, my heart breaks into pieces )': Jesus when is everything going to be ok? I just want things to fit..I'm so tired

I hope things get better for you!

Thanks :)