I Used To "try" To Be A Christian...but Finally Dropped The Mask....

I attended a Baptist church for almost 20 years. I had myself convinced I was a Christian. I watched the "right" shows, wore the "right" clothes, read the "right" books and etc etc etc. I struggled with "evil" thoughts (which was my brains way of letting off repressed desires,etc), ************ (which I enjoyed immensely and racked myself with guilt about afterwards) and with thoughts about why I didn't seem to have the same experience that others claimed to have (which was I think,for the most part, either just the products of their autosuggestion or ....hell...they might've been lying). I spent years in church as a single wondering what was "wrong" with me and why wasn't I married? And wondering why God did not"use" me like He supposedly "used" others around me (actually they used "God" to create jobs for themselves as ministers and pastors....for something that likely isn't even real) Then I met and married and had Hell for around 6 years. I went bankrupt. I worked off my debt. I got divorced. Then....I was free to think. I went out and did some things I wanted to. I drank. I enjoyed sex with various women. Nothing happened. I left church...and was better off. One day I was online and saw a site called "Why doesnt God Heal Amputees" and checked it out....and it made a helluva lot of sense. I saw another one called "The Thinking Atheist" and it did as well. I decided then and there to drop this **** I had been burdening myself about for so long. I am happier now than I have ever been in my life.