These past few years have been awful. It is one thing after another, and I'm constantly in this self pity ditch that I don't recognise myself anymore. After a sexual assault, I left for uni willing to put everything behind me, I bounced it off! One year later I'm abusing drugs and develop serious anxiety, paranoia and depression. I finally broke. I broke hard. I had to leave university and couldn't be without my parents. My mums forced to take leave from work. It got so bad, and this sounds ridiculous, but I was 100% convinced the Truman Show was happening to me. Was everyone laughing at me, are they trying to embarrass me?!! My holiday with my boyfriend was dampened because I was convinced he wanted to embarrass me. Then things finally look up, I'm part of an amazing apprenticeship and had the best 21st birthday. Once it all goes up, it comes crashing down. I'm pregnant. My boyfriend wants rid, my parents want rid. What do I want? I don't know. I do know who am I kidding, I sobbed after the doctors after talking about termination. I feel so alone. I feel so angry for writing so many I's. Needed this out of me. I feel no better though. All that is on my mind is, what next? What terrible, soul destroying thing is up next? Do I need to find faith to save me?
rayburdon rayburdon
22-25, F
1 Response Apr 16, 2014

You can't think of what will happen next but what your doing right now. There are just days of depression but I find my salvation in bowling and friends!